The End: Only The Beginning

[15] Almost Is Never Enough

I stare down at my plate that Ferra hands me from across the counter. The few people behind me watch with furrowed eyebrows, because of the measly amount of food I've been given. There is a small piece of grilled chicken and a few crackers.

"Sorry sweets. All we got." Ferra says, shrugging towards the pile of various meats. This must have been what was left over from different meals that had been tossed in the freezer.

"That's okay. Thank you." I nod as she moves on to the next person who receives a piece of beef and a roll.

My stomach growls in hunger from not eating much today, but I can tell that this meal will not suffice.

"I'm starting to worry." Calum says under his breath so that only I could hear. (autocorrect keeps changing Calum to claim and I'm about to punch something)

"I think my stomach is worried too." I joke. He slips his roll to me but I shove it back to his plate.

"No, you eat it."

"Are you sure? Carter I just want to take good care of you."

"Aw Cal."

"Plus you get hangry." He says, sassily.

"Okay, well there's the Calum I know."

"You do!"

"Okay maybe I get a little hangry but I can't help it!"

"Pshh." He says as I take the final bite of my dry chicken. What I wouldn't give for some Chapstick right now. My lips burn from the seasoning and the cold air doesn't help. Once I wash down my meal with the rest of my water, I brush off my jeans and stand up.

"Want to hike to watch the sunset?" He asks.

"Sure." I grin. My large smile probably extends from ear-to-ear but at this point I don't even care what I look like.

"I've been meaning to tell you something.." He starts as I turn my head away from the beginning to be worn trail we followed.

"Okay?" I respond, curious to know what's been on his mind.

"I don't-" he stops, as if wishing he'd never begun explaining.

We let a few moments slip by in quiet.

"What Calum?"

"I don't think that you should go with them into town."

"And, why would you think that?" The sassy, defensive part of me kicks in before I'm saying things I don't even mean.

"Is it because I'm a girl? You think I'm weak or something?"

"No! Don't put words into my mouth Carter. I don't think that you should go because I don't know if you can handle it. Wait. No. I don't mean it like-" I'm storming off. My blood is boiling with pure rage. He doesn't think I can handle it? Since when have I not been able to handle things?

I feel a hand gently wrap around my arm as he attempts to stop me from running away from him.

"You know that's not what I meant. You are the most brave person I know. What I meant was that I don't want you to get hurt.."

I look around, analyzing his apology statement.

"I'm going on that raid whether you like it or not Calum."

"That's what I was afraid of."

"I don't understand. You tell me I'm brave, that you admire me even. But then you basically say that if I went with them I'm going to get hurt because I won't be able to handle it."

"Carter I care about you! I don't want to throw our relationship away by you thinking that you can save the world."

"Maybe if there were more people who didn't hold back people who just wanted to help, the world wouldn't even need help. Maybe we wouldn't even be in this mess."

"You can't save everyone Carter! Haven't you heard of the circle of life?" Our voices were rising. The tension in the air was thick.

"I don't want to save everyone! I want to keep us safe. It might be hard to process in that little, selfish brain of yours, but the people that live here are family. They mean a lot to me and I'm not letting somebody tell me this 'survival of the fittest' bullshit!"

"And you know what else Calum? Just when I think you've changed. Just when I think that maybe, just maybe, you'll start to care about someone else other than yourself, you do this. Just like last time."

He looks down at the ground. Crossing his feet on top of each other in some awkward stance. I could tell that I hit a soft spot. I reopened a wound that was just beginning to heal by mentioning his past. But, I hadn't even meant to say what I said! My emotions were through the roof, and I was taking it out on him. I guess that I had been so stressed out lately that I hadn't taken the time to realize it. Not to mention that I haven't had a fulfilling meal in days. My stomach aches with hunger as I take a deep breath. No tears threatened to spill over, but I just wanted to punch something. Was this the effects of everything that's happened in the last six months crashing down onto me at once or was this something else? I assumed the first, but who was I to know. When Alison was gone, I allowed myself to cry, to blame myself, to do anything I had to do to get over it and move on. As it turns out, I mourned for nothing. My sister was doing fine. Just a few bruises, scratches, a new boyfriend.

I stopped myself. It was wrong to think badly about my sister. She had been kidnapped for answers. She didn't have any, but nonetheless she was kidnapped and held hostage. I guess I should be thankful for Ryder for keeping her safe. I never had thanked him for that.. But I most likely wasn't going to either.

I sigh as I realize the air had gotten quite cold. My fingers were prickly with coldness and I could barely feel my toes. I suddenly wished I would have worn my gloves, but I was thankful for the dark green beanie I topped my messy blonde locks with. Lately my hair had been such a gigantic mess that I was wearing beanies or hats everyday to mask it. Not that anyone else's hair was looking that great. Even Emma seemed to be struggling with her bleached blonde tangles. I wonder what her natural shade is? I guess we will find out.

I shove my hands back into my warm and fuzzy coat pockets, and find that my legs are leading me back to camp. It all seems routine, that I don't even feel the need to look around at where I am anymore. I could walk in my sleep and still find myself back to my hut in a lickety-split. (Obviously I had not only picked up on some shortcuts, but some southern slang too.)

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Lickety-split ¿

I am from the south btw so if you find me saying some weird phrases that's why. I say cut on the lights and call shopping carts buggies. Idk.

Btw, You aren't what you come from but you can't forget it either. I learned this the hard way.

Vote & comment <3

-C

PS DID YOU WATCH SHADOWHUNTERS OR PLL ON TUESDAY CAUSE NSKANDKANSKABSJWBSKQK