Resume, delete, begin again | an olicity au

Chapter 15

I wake up the next morning, my eyes groggy, not remembering the night before. I rub my eyes, and I roll over, and my heart sinks. I had thought it may have been a bad dream. But this was real, and I didn't like this reality.
I see a girl, dark brown hair, sleeping peacefully on the other side. I sit up, look around and I see clothes on the ground, and I can't believe it. I can't believe what I've done.

Last night begins to flood back into my mind. Diggle not showing up, a girl approaching me, coming here, and sleeping with her....

I just betrayed the two most important girls in my life! I can't be here when this girl wakes up, and I have to make sure no one ever knows about this. I get out of bed, trying to be as silent as I can, and I quickly put in my pants and button up my shirt. I write a short note explaining myself, as vaguely as possible.

Sorry.... Shit what was her name??? Ugh I crumple up the paper and start again.

Something came up, had to go, sorry. 
-OQ

I know it I was mean, leaving like that but what other choice did I have? I put the note on her bed side table and try to find my way out of this apartment. I walked slowly, my mind slightly dizzy, hung over from the night before. I can't believe j didn't even know the girl's name.

This felt like something i would have done in high school, and it felt very wrong.

I find the front door of her apartment and I leave, the door shutting with a very small *click*.

______

I'm at work and I can't concentrate at all. I'm so hung over, but I try to act fine. Drinking the way I drunk last night was unacceptable. Especially with my classes and work. I had proved myself a very good law yet early on, so this semester, all I had to do was work at Palmer Law, and at the end of the semester I had to write a 150 page paper about my experience and what it was like working at one of the best law firms in the country. So it's pretty obvious I couldn't screw this opportunity up.

I have 2 cases coming up, and one of them I am first chair, so I have to bring my A game. John seems to have noticed my strange behavior and comes to my office.

"What's up man? What's going on?" He asks.

"I'm fine."  I say my voice monotone.

"I'm not Other people Oliver, I know when you're not okay." He says, pushing his argument.

"I...I slept...with...I don't even know her name!" I yell at him, my voice cracking a few tears running down my face. I feel so ashamed of what I have done, and I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"You what!" He asks in astonishment.

"Last night, when you didn't come to Verdant, I  went home with this girl. I was so drunk and I didn't know what I was doing. But that's not an excuse. And I slept with her John. I slept with her. And now, I've betrayed Sara's memory for ever, and I've ruined any chance that I could have ever had with Felicity."  I slowly break down, I run my hand through my hair, and then put my face into the palms of my hands.

"Come on man!" He says, clearly dissapointed in me. But then he composes himself and continues. "You have to tell Felicity."

"What?" I ask, not believing what I hear.

"It's better if comes from you, than if she hears it from someone else. Imagine that Oliver, someone just tells her that you slept with a random girl, imagine how hurt she'd be."

"I've already hurt her enough." I say.

"She's a nice girl, and she deserves you to tell her "

"Fine." I say, dreading the idea of telling the blonde IT girl about my mistake. The mistake of a life time.  The mistake that betrayed the two most important women in my life. Before, I may not have been able to make everyone happy, but now, I had most definitely ruined it for everyone.  "Okay, I'll tell her..." I say waving my hand in dismissal. I just needed time to process alone. The choice that I made, and it's negative consequences that I would have to pay in turn.

________

I go to the IT department to look for Felicity.
She's there as always, typing at a near impossible to match speed.

"Felicity..." I say awkwardly. She looks up and rolls her eyes.

"Oliver..."

"We need to talk."

"I thought I made it clear, I don't want to talk, not anymore. Not now, not ever." I could see the tears brimming up behind her glasses.

"Felicity... I need to tell you something."
I say quietly. "It's important and you need to hear it from me"

"I know Oliver!!" She yelled, slamming her hand against her desk. "I know you slept with a random girl last night. And I promised myself you would never hurt me again! But I was wrong because it hurts Oliver. If fucking hurts because I really care about you, even after all shit you out me through and you clearly couldn't care less about me. And all that talk about not being with me because of Sara. That was just talk. Because if you meant what you said about her you would not have slept with a stranger!"

I stare at her stunned. All her feelings had just poured out and I can see the pain in her eyes, and it hurts me to see her that way. But the only words I can form are
"How did you know?" And it was clearly the wrong thing to say.

"What the heck Oliver! I tell you all that, yet all you want to know is how? I'll tell you how. My friend Thea was at the damned club and she saw you okay! She texted me right away. I knew it! Once a playboy always a playboy".

"It's not like that!" I try to explain. "It didn't mean anything." I say, and again it was the wrong thing.

"How can you tell me, it didn't mean anything? I liked you so much Oliver, and you couldn't even kiss me, without regretting it. And then you go and SLEEP with a stranger? Please stop lying to me Oliver!"

I stand in silence for a moment or two, trying to make the right choice this time with what to say.

"...I...I...I dont regret kissing you." I say slowly. "I remember your kiss like it was yesterday. The only thing I regret is breaking the kiss..." I say in voice that's almost a whisper. "It was just to soon, to soon after Sara." I say.

Now it's her turn to sit stunned in silence by my words. But she answers, and says,

"But a few days later you can go sleep with someone? Someone random? And that's not to soon!?" She almost cried out.

"That I regret!" I exclaim trying my best to make her understand. "I regret last night so much. I never meant to hurt you. I just think, because if the life that I lead, that it's better, to not be with someone I could really care about. Not now, maybe not ever."

"Then say never! Stop dangling maybes. Say we're never going to be together! Say you never loved me! Say...!" She says, but I cut her off mid sentence.

"Don't ask me to say that I don't love you, because I wouldn't want to lie." I say, and she stops shocked by my words.

"Oliver please stop playing games with my mind like this. I can't deal with this, okay? I can't compete with a memory. Please I need to work." And my face falls. I thought, maybe she would reconsider, maybe something would change. But I see it now, how much I really hurt her. Because she seemed to have loved me. In only two weeks she seemed to have fallen for me, the same way I had for her. But I had broken that trust, I had broken her heart and now, I just needed to find a way to glue it back together