Hanging With the Senior Boys

XV

Anxiety clung to me like the snow on the icy ground. A foot of the deadly powder fell the same night of Lily's death, so not even the killer seemed to be out in the horrible weather. Two days had passed with no commotion, but everyone was advised to stay clear I couldn't help but still feel as though death was following me, hiding, creeping closer and closer to me; ready to take me to my final resting place. I watched the wall in my room, my body wrapped in my blanket, terrified each time Mom and Dad had to leave for work. The school was scheduled to be closed down until the following Monday. I had to distract my mind.

I walked into the living room, and watched random cartoons. Most of them I didn't pay attention to; I just used the sound to distract me. There was a soft knock on the door. I looked out the window to see Serena and Claire.

"Hey you guys."

"Hey Alexis," Serena said.

"How ya holding up?" Claire added.

"Okay I guess."

"Can we come in?"

"Sure."

They followed me in as I backed up from the door. With the remote, I turned down the television. "You guys want some hot cocoa or something?"

They nodded as I walked to the kitchen. I kept thinking to myself as I fixed their drinks.

Why is this happening?

My hands shook uncontrollably, as if I were an old woman in a rocking chair. I shook my head, trying to snap myself out of it. I wished I could shake my head and I woke up; this would all be a dream. It wasn't. I gave them their cups as they sat on the coach, taking of their coats. Claire was laughing at the cartoons on the screen, but Serena had her eyes glued to me. Her face was filled with despair, worry, more age than she needed. More age than anyone needed. All of our parents, all of us, all of the town. More age than anyone needed.

"Alexis," Serena began, "I wish that this wasn't happening. I'm so sorry."

That was the only thing she needed to say. Sorry. It was the only thing she could say. I no longer cared about Alice being missing; no one was going to find her, I no longer cared about the death of Lily; there was nothing I could do to prevent it, I no longer cared about Levi; trying to love someone was too hard to do when death was in the atmosphere, and no longer cared about life. I was waiting for them to kill me, and I was sorry. "Thanks. I'm just sorry you two got involved in this whole mess."

She noticed my tone change, and looked as though she still was unconvinced of anything I was saying, but I didn't have anymore motivation to fake a soothing emotion for her. Or myself.

Sorry.

"You don't have to say sorry," said Claire.

Sorry.

"We're your friends."

Sorry.

I was crying again. Just like the many times before. I contemplated suicide, but it wouldn't be fair for everyone else to be stuck here while I took the easy way out. That's what they always said on tv when someone said they wanted to commit suicide, so that's what I took to believing. It was the only way to stop myself. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to hurt them even more.

Nothing was fair anymore.

They comforted me, holding my shoulders and such, telling me everything was gonna be all right, I wasn't gonna die, they weren't gonna die, no one was gonna die, there wasn't a murderer out there, Alice never disappeared, Levi never was injured, nothing ever happened, nothing really existed. I made some of their comments up. When they eventually left I wished that they could have stayed longer, but I wasn't good enough company to deserve my wish.

It was then that I got a call from an unexpected number.

"Sam?"

"Meet me by the bridge heading out of the town tonight at eight."

She hung up, and I couldn't help but feel that, that might be the last time I heard her speak as well. Just like Lily. Whenever someone knee something, they just dropped dead Luke insignificant flies. Like the murderer was a fly himself, buzzing in the phone lines and around everyone's house. I was still terrified to leave, but I couldn't just not. Not know anything about anything that was going on.

Or anything at all.

My birthday became a blur, my family became a blur, life became a blur, and I became a blur.

Part may have been due to the cold winter weather and snow, but I wouldn't have known that either. It was half past seven and Mom and Dad were at Levi's house comforting her after work. I has perfect means of catching bus or calling a cab to get there, but they'd all arrive late. I had to leave now. But the would definitely be back before I had a chance to return.

It didn't matter.

Sorry.

I walked out into the frost, and was able to catch Claire.

"Do you think you guys could take me to the bridge at the end of town really fast?"

"What for?"

"I have to meet Sam. She has something to tell me."

"What is it?"

"I don't know."

"Why go then?"

My voice sharpened, "It's really important okay? I just need your help."

"Okay, okay, I'll ask, but she'll probably want a reason."

"I'll make up something, just tell her please."

She nodded her head, but her eyes burned into my skin. They were so confused my head was dazed. She couldn't understand anything that was going on, but you could see she wanted to. She just knew she wanted to help at the moment. She may have regretted it afterwards, but she would face it when it came to her.

As expected, I was required to lie to her mother about why. I said I was going to the thrift store across the street and my parents were picking me up. She wanted to stay until I was done, but I insisted for her to go. Claire agreed.

It was dark when I arrived, and I could tell it pained her to let me go, but she did so. I walked over to the bridge, and saw Sam in a black hoodie almost blending into the darkness completely. Her grey sweatpants and complexion made her stand out.

"What is it?" I said.

Tears went down her face, as a shadow shifted from behind her, "I'm sorry."

A gun clocked as the figure reveled himself, and pointed the gun to me.

"Come here."

I put my hands up, and followed orders. Accepting my fate. All this time it was him. All the signs seemed to jump out at me now.