Break Me One More Time [McLennon]

in which john sees something he shouldn't have

~~~

     Paul still didn't know what to do about the Unkowables joining forces with the Shadows. The idea was still ridiculous and reckless to him, even months after Barney had broken the news to him.

     It was early in November of 1966, and the year would soon be drawing to a close. Revolver was out, but the Beatles were already preparing for their next album; Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band.

     Paul and John were sitting on the sofa, Paul drifting off with his head on John's shoulder. After Paul had fallen asleep, John began to flip through Paul's song book.

     Most of what he found was at least vaguely familiar to him, if not something that he knew every word to...but then he came across something that was totally alien to him.

     He read;

      "Baby, I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time,
And maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you.

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time,
You hung me on the line.
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you.

Baby, I'm a man, maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand.

Baby, I'm a man,
And maybe you're the only woman who could ever help me.
Baby, won't you help me to understand?
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Oh, oh, oh,
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
Oh.

Baby, I'm a man, maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand.

Baby, I'm a man,
And maybe you're the only woman who could ever help me.
Baby, won't you help me to understand?
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time,
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you.

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song,
Right me when I'm wrong-
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you."

      John placed the book down on the coffee table where he'd found it would shaking hands...

      Woman?

      John found that he'd completely forgotten how to breathe and he struggled for air until he could remember. He looked down at Paul, who was curled up beside him and frowned. He shook his head.

     Where was he going wrong?

~~~

     Paul woke from his dream that left him longing for the children he'd never see brought into the world and the dog he'd never see again because he'd never found her to find that he was alone on the sofa.

     "John?" Paul called groggily.

     "Hm?" He heard John's voice.

     He got to his feet and went to the kitchen where he found John standing at the counter with a cup of tea. Paul walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around his middle, smiling into John's neck. "Love you," he said sleepily.

     "Love you, too." John said but it didn't sound right to Paul. It was too stiff sounding.

     "What's the matter, love?" Paul sighed.

     "Nothing," John shook his head. He turned around and pulled Paul into a tight embrace. "Nothing, I promise," he lied and kissed Paul's hair affectionately. "I do love you, you know. So much. And I'm sorry if I don't, like, say it enough.."

     "You say it plenty," Paul said and John looked at him with an unconvinced expression. "I swear!"

      John smiled.. Maybe all was right with the world, after all.

~~~

     "Jason Elliott," Marbella said.

     "Hm?" Stephanie said.

     "Jason Elliott," Marbella repeated. "He's the one leading the Shadows now that I've gone."

     "He has magic?" Lola asked.

     "Every member of the Shadows does," Marbella nodded. "Just as every Shadow that has become an Unkowable does. It was a magical society..or..it still is, I suppose. But I fear that their motive for straying from me is taking John Lennon down."

     "It'd break Paul," Barney shook his head.

     "And we can't lose Paul," Lola said. "He's a vital part to all of this. We need him to remain our ally."

     "And he's my friend," Barney snapped at her.

     She looked at him, brows furrowed and eyes squinted. "Sorry.." She murmured and Barney immediately felt like the most awful person.

     "Barney," Darren said and the blonde man looked to him. "Can I talk to you alone for a moment?"

    Barney nodded and followed the leader of the Unknowables to his room, which was the equivalent of his office in these new hidden headquarters where instead of having to hide fifteen people they had to hide a couple hundred people.

     "Barney, listen.." Darren sighed. "I know how upset you are about Lola. You thought she was dead, and now she's back in your life and she doesn't remember a thing about you. I understand how frustrating that must be, but you've got to stop snapping at her and remember that none of it is her fault."

     "I know," Barney sighed, shaking his head. "I know.. And I'm sorry. It's just..so hard. She was my best friend."

     "I know," Darren nodded. "I know. I get how upsetting it is. Trust me, I know what it's like to lose the people you care for the most. I know what it's like to just...watch them slip right through your fingertips, unable to do a thing about it."

     Barney frowned and he wanted to ask Darren who he'd lost in his lifetime, but he didn't. "I'll be more careful," he promised.

     Darren nodded. "Thank you," he said absently. He sat down on his bed and buried his face in his hands. "You can go."

     Barney nodded. He turned and hurried from the room.

~~~

      Paul laid awake as John slept beside him..just thinking.

     Paul thought of Barney, mostly, and hero angry he'd been at his friend for so many months. He hadn't seen the man since finding out about the Unknowables and the Shadows becoming one and as upset as he was, he did miss Barney.

     He missed Tessa, as well, who hadn't come around since before Paul found out -- probably figuring he wouldn't want to see any of them for a while.

     He just really needed to see Barney and the original Unknowables so that they could talk through all of this and make sure they were all on the same page.

     Maybe, despite everything he'd said to Yoko months earlier, this could all work out.