All Over Again || Rucas

Lucas is everywhere.

Riley's POV

I sit with Lucas. He's my partner.

When the teacher said that we'll be working in pairs he didn't look at me. He just looked at the teacher, who was already reading the pairs from a paper. And I didn't like that.

"...John and Erica, Toby and Jessica, Lucas and Anne--"

"I'm going with Riley.", he said, with a strong, sure voice that sent chills down my spine.

I turned to look at him but he wasn't looking at me. I'm going with Riley...

"Excuse me?", the teacher asked. She was a new teacher, I didn't know her. Her name was Ms. Johnson.

"I'm going with Riley. She is new here and it'd be better if she had a friend of hers as a partner."

New here. No, I wasn't. But the teacher didn't know that. I looked at my classmates. Some bit theirs lips or raised their eyebrows but no one said anything. And I silently thanked them for that.

Ms. Joshnson frowned but didn't say anything. She cleared her voice and said:

"Anne with Jason", and the list went on.

So now I'm sitting next to Lucas looking at him, not really believing what had just happened. He smiles at me.

"You don't mind, do you?", he asks and he sounds nervous.

"Of course not." We lock eyes and I'm not willing to let him go. Ever. He seems to like my answer.

"Why did you leave?"

What a question. What a bomb thrown at the wrong time.

The teacher is talking to another pair of students so I'm not afraid to talk. I don't answer though.

"Did I do something?". He looks like that's his worst nightmare. He looks like he's close to tearing up. He's frowning.

I want to say 'no'. I want to stop him from tearing up, but I can't. I don't want to lie. So, I just look at him and I'm close to tearing up too. Hurting him hurts me.

"Riley, did I do something? Did you leave because of me?", he asks again. I sigh and find a way not to lie to him or be completely honest.

"It's my fault.", I say. "Totally my fault."

It's not a complete lie.

"I doubt that.", he says. His eyes are sad on mine.

"It is my fault.", I insist.

"How?"

He's talking like he knows why I left. Maybe he does. It's not that hard to guess.

"Riley, it was my fault.", he continues.

He knows why I left, I realize. I realize, not because of what he says but because of his eyes mostly. I blink and break the stare. I look at the floor. Once again.

"I lost you.", I say and wipe some tears off my eyes.

He looks sad. He takes a breath but doesn't argue. He bites his lips, looking like he's trying hard not cry. Why? He didn't do anything.

What a mess. I lost him, he lost me...

He stares in front of him. I feel the urge to rest my head on his shoulder. If I do I know that he will rest his head on mine. But instead we just stay like that, stiff and awkward with my last words still in the air between us.

.....

I sit at my bay window with Maya.

"So where did you go?", she asks.

"To Phili. I lived with uncle Josh.", I answer.

"Lucky.", she jokes.

I turn to look at her, frowning. Maya used to have a crush on Josh but then Lucas stole her heart.

"Not really.", I say.

"Did you meet neww people?", she keeps going on and on with the questions.

"Not remarkable ones.", I answer. I know it's a good answer. If I want to have Maya back, then I need her to know that I didn't find a new best friend in Phili.

"So when's Charlie's party?", I change the subject.

"This Saturday. That means we only have four days. And Lucas is going to be there and I need to...", she stops talking once she realises that talking with me about Lucas isn't the best idea.

"Uhh... anyway, I'll be going now. My mom's home so...", she gets up and walks to the door.

She stops and turns around. She looks awkward as she opens her mouth to talk.

"Wanna go to buy dresses tomorrow?", she asks.

I smile at her and finally, it's a sincere smile.

"I'd love to.", I say.

She gives me a smile and leaves. I can tell that she's trying. I love her the more for it. I'm trying too. In my own way, I am.

.....

I have trouble sleeping again. I'm looking at the ceiling again. I'm thinking again.

So, Maya is trying to be my friend again and all but hasn't she thought about Lucas? I mean, she used to be my best friend. Didn't she know why I left? Of course now I'm better. After accepting the fact that Lucas and I are not a thing anymore, I can handle seeing them together.

But do I like it? No. Hell, no. I feel like someone is living my life. It should be me holding his hand at school and it should be me kissing him in the subway.

I see something moving outside me window. I feel the urge to hide under my blankets but I push it away. I get up and walk quietly to the window. There's nothing outside. Maybe I imagined it.

I turn around but I hear a sound. I stay where I am, frozen. At least there's a window. If whatever's outside wants to hurt me, it'll have to break the window and my family will wake up. I

I see a shadow, behind mine. A hand waving. Wait a minute. I turn around.

"Lucas?", I ask, with my disbelief totally obvious.

He just waves. He is wearing jeans and blue t-shirt that reminds me of something I can't really put my finger on.

I slowly open my window and let him in. When he climbs into my bedroom I close the window and take a breath before turning around and facing him.

"What the hell are you doing here?", I ask, quietly.

Maybe I sound angry but mostly I'm concerned.

"Sorry.", he says. It takes him a second before he can go on. "My mom kicked me out."

I raise by eyebrows and widen my eyes. His mom kicked him out?!

The truth is, we never knew a lot about Lucas's family. At least not when I was here. I had never gone to his house or talked with his parents.

"Oh my god. Uh... okay, I don't have another bed--"

"We can share it.", he says.

I'm speechless, once again.

"W-what?", I ask, my voice shaking.

"If you don't mind", he says, "You know maybe this is a bad idea, maybe I should have gone somewhere else--"

"No!", I say and then I remember that there are people sleeping. "No, don't say that. We can share a bed, why not? Just please, don't tell Maya."

He smiles at me and I feel like the room, the once boring room is full of fireworks. He keeps his eyes on mine before answering.

"I wasn't planning on it."

I smile at him too, something that looks like he likes. He takes off his shoes and lies at my bed. There's plenty of room for me, but I know that at some point, maybe in my sleep, I'm going to touch his skin and I haven't done that in ages...