Don't Let Me Go (A Larry Stylinson Story)

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Tw: self harm

Harry's Pov

I ran to the bathroom. I closed the door, sliding down it. I sat there banging the back of my head against the door. How could I be so stupid.

Louis doesn't have feelings for me. All I did was weird him out. We almost kissed. I once again couldn't control myself. I can't let anything happen. No one can know I'm gay.

*flash back*

I walked into the cold grey office. Management had called me in to discuss something. Obviously this wasn't going to be a fun visit.

I sat in the uncomfortable large, leather chair listening to the steady ticking of the clock. The sound of the door knob turning filled the room. My heart started to beat twice a fast.

In walked a man dressed in a grey suit and a black tie. His hair was thinning and he had it slicked back into a comb over. He looked just as bland as the room. He fit in quite well. He took a seat and fixed his eyes on me.

"Mr, Styles, do you know why I called you in?" I gulped at the sternness of his voice and avoided his stare. I went through all of things i've done recently trying to think of why he called me in. Nothing.

"Maybe this will help you remember." He set a small stack of papers in front of me. Hesitantly I picked them up. Sprawled across the page were pictures- of me. I instantly remembered. I had gotten drunk and went to a gay bar, I just wanted to know for sure if I was gay. I met this guy, he took me back to his house.

Someone must have followed us there. I looked at the pictures, we were making out on his door step. "Luckily, we got a hold of the pictures before anyone else. We paid the guy off to keep this a secret." I sat there unable to speak for a good minute. "I- We never had sex. I'm sorry. It was an accident." He leaned forward.

"This accident will stay a secret. We can't have a member of the biggest boy band in the world be gay." His voice got colder. "If people find and we lose money, One Direction is over."

* end of flashback*

The words still stung. I squeezed my eyes tight in attempt to stop the tears from falling. It didn't work. Tears spilled out of my eyes as I released all of my emotions. I cant ever tell anyone my secret. I'm in love with my best friend. The one I tell everything to, and I cant tell him.

I have to live with this secret. I can't ruin the boys lives, not for my own selfish reasons. I need to distance myself from Lou. I can't be around him anymore. I cant love him. If losing my best mate and giving up on my happiness is what it takes than that's what I'll do.

I felt sick, weak. It hurt me to think of the fact that I'm going to lose the one I love, the fact that I'm never going to be truly happy again.

I looked at my tattoos, I looked at what they covered, the faded scars. I counted them, each and every one of them, remembering the reason behind each one. No one ever noticed. You would have to look really hard to see the scars, but they were there.

I reached into my drawer and took out my shaving kit. I emptied the case and reached inside feeling for the pocket.

I pulled out the small blade. I hadn't used this in a while. I knew I needed to stop so I did but recently the urge was too strong. I studied it, the sharp edges, the shine.

I looked for a place on me that I could cover until I got home, then I would get another tattoo. Its cold out so I can wear long sleeves often, but Liam always had the fire running, therefor it was always hot in the cabin.