Passenger | Unedited Version

chapter twenty five | last kiss

chapter twenty five | last kiss

It's been roughly 30 hours since the big fight with Indie occurred and she still hasn't make any effort to contact me. Not one text, not one call, not one email, not one knock on the door, not one anything at all that shows that she wants to talk this through and patch things up with me. Not one evidence that she even cares that I'm doubting the future of our relationship.

Does she even care?

I'm starting to think that I'm the only one in the relationship that gives a single damn anymore and honestly, I'm tired of giving her so much of my soul and her not giving me anything in return. Every moment that I've ever spent in a five mile radius of her, I've been so focused on doing what she wants and acting in a way that would make her love me more. I gave so much of myself away for this relationship, but what has she ever sacrificed in the name of love?

She had to know that I would be the first one to put up a white flag, surrendering everything I stand for just to please her. That's all I've been doing these past few months that we've been together, breaking off more and more pieces of the girl I was before she arrived and now when I look in the mirror, I can't recognize the girl with the dark messy hair, a hesitant nod, and under eye circles that seem to stretch on for a mile.

Who even am I anymore?

Before I knew that a girl named Indira Rao from a small Maryland town existed and the only thing I had to worry about is which college to send my late application into, I knew the person that followed me in the shadows of the night and the one that shined in the daylight. I had dreams and ambitions and goals and a clear idea about the way I wanted to live my life. I had my whole life stretching out in front of me without a single cloud to clog up the sky above my head, but now the scenery is more like a thunderstorm with the power to rip a tree right out of its root.

I don't like the girl I was becoming whenever I was around Indie. She was too needy all the time, too dependent on Indie, too willing to drop everything that had previously meant so much to her in favor of spending two seconds with Indie, too wrapped up in the twisted dream that she thought was reality, too everything that could be wrong with a person in a relationship. I love Indie, that much I'm sure of, but I don't think that we're good for each other anymore.

Sometimes people just don't make good couples, no matter how much they wish otherwise. It doesn't matter how hard of a grip we hold on to each other with because sooner or later, our hands are going to slip and the two of us are going to stumble into the unknown, only to never be seen together again. As Taylor Swift would say, this slope is treacherous. Maybe too treacherous for Indie and I to handle with stable minds and sweaty palms.

But then I get a text.

It all happens in slow motion, as if my life were a movie that you could control with a simple remote and you could just skip the scenes you didn't like and rewatch the ones you love a thousand times over. One moment I'm thinking about the possibility of the two of us breaking up, but as soon as I hear my phone go off, I leap at the chance that it might be from her. I'm weak for Indie and I don't think that anything I ever do will change that, no matter how much I wish I was the strong person I was before she came into my life. Maybe I was never as strong as I thought I was, just refusing to see the world the way it was in fear of what really laid before my eyes.

I'm almost scared to unlock my phone and read the text, in the off chance that the text was from someone other than Indie or if it's an official break up text from her. It could be anything at all or it could be nothing, but either way I'll have to eventually face it with open eyes and shaking palms.