Passenger | Unedited Version

chapter twenty eight | out of the woods

chapter twenty eight | out of the woods

"Nellie."

The word falls from Indie's lip before she can stop it from happening, as if she can't believe that she's ran into me before she was able to flee. I didn't think that I would ever be able to hear the way my names sounds when she says it, as she has such a syrupy kind of voice that's deeper than mine will ever be. Even though we broke up and she was planning on leaving town without telling me, I can detect a tint of love in her voice.

I just can't believe that she's standing right there, smack dab in the place that I've been to a million times over the years and didn't even think to check. I thought she would have been three counties over by the time I caught up with her and even though it has been minutes since I spotted her bus, it feels like centuries.

It feels like it has been millenniums since I saw her face, especially since I saw her face look at me in such a gentle expression that is free from any hatred that I dreamed of. It feels like it has been eras since she said my name in the same way that she used to. It feels like it has been centuries since my heart has felt this out of control, a not-so subtle reminder of how much I love her.

I wonder if she still remembers that.

What exactly is the correct way to react in a situation like this? Mama spent a lot of my time as a young teenager with bright eyes about the prospect of a girlfriend preparing me for possible situations that could soon turn sour, but could quickly make go the other way if I tried hard enough. But none of that advice would work in this situation and I think that I'm screwed.

"Hi," I mumble the word quickly and breathlessly, still not sure of my own vocal ability in her presence.

We remain as still as two pieces of art hanging on the walls of the Metropolitan Museum of Art or possibly the lyrics from Enchanted by Taylor Swift or something that can never be summed up into words. To say it frankly, we both don't have the slightest clue as to what we're doing. Silence is never good, is it?

I want for the two of us to not be so silent, for us to be able to carry on a conversation lightly with no bumps in the road, for Indie to be laughing with the familiar goofy expression to be displayed on her face instead of the serious one in front of me. I want for things to go back to the way that they were at the beginning of our relationship when everything was so much easier.

Indie once told me that I shouldn't spend the rest of my life wishing for things to happen and that I have to actually take control of the situation at hand to ever make an impact. If something is worth fighting for, I should fight for it with all that I have.

"Can we talk?" I ask, gesturing at my car and hoping that she understand that I want her to sit with me so that I don't have to keep shouting out my window.

It takes her a second and I could have sworn something flash within her brown eyes, but she finally nods her head and sits in the passenger seat. It was only a few months ago that she had sat there for the first time, but everything has changed since that day passed. How is it possible that we've come a full circle? It feels like our relationship lasted only a few labored breaths and that was it.

Once Indie was actually in the car and seemingly willing to talk about things in the way that I had said, most of my courage seems to have melted away. I was nervous, the kind that I used to get before exams and when I had to give an oral presentation to the whole class but I forgot to do it and had to wing it. I really don't enjoy this feeling and I can't imagine Indie does either.

"So how are you?" I tried.

"Nellie," Indie said with an almost plea in her voice.

I shook my head, realizing that I shouldn't have started off the conversation in such a fake way. If we were going to work through whatever this is, we'd have to actually talk and not sugarcoat everything into cute little boxes with bows on top. Life doesn't work that way, even though I want it to.