Incandescent | Phan

Chapter Eight: Right and Wrong

Right and Wrong:

Phil;

***

I lay in bed, wide awake, staring up at my ceiling; thinking, wondering, crying.

It hurt.

A lot.

My mind was racing, my thoughts were in the fast lane and I was in the back seat.

I didn't know what to believe anymore. I liked Dan but I should like Ryan. No, I have to like him. And I do. Of course I do. He's my soulmate.

But whenever I was with him nothing felt right.

On the other hand, when I was with Dan everything was right.

I grabbed my phone and rang the only person I should be thinking of: Ryan.

But even then Dan still filled my head and I wondered if I would ever stop thinking about him. My best friend. Someone who I had cuddled with and kissed which is something I should be doing with my boyfriend, my soulmate and not him.

That's when I began to question everything I ever thought. Something, somewhere didn't add up.

"Phil?" Ryan's voice broke me out of my thoughts. "Is everything okay? You never ring me this late."

"Yeah... Sorry if I woke you up, I just needed someone to talk to."

"Can't this wait until morning? I love you and all but I have an exam in the morning and I need to sleep." I sighed.

"Sorry. It doesn't matter anyway. Night." I hung up the phone and all I could think about was: Dan would have stayed awake and made sure I was okay.

***

The next day at college was a struggle. I was absolutely exhausted, I had around four and a half hours sleep plus my eyes felt heavy from all the crying I did last night. Not to mention how mentally tired I felt from all the thoughts whirling through my head.

I very nearly didn't come in but my mum forced me to come in, besides I only had two lessons today. I could get through them, have lunch with Dan and then go back to bed.

Plus, I didn't want to leave Dan alone. He never liked it when I left him alone in our English language lessons as he said nobody liked him in there.

This made me sad because how could anybody not like him?

"You look terrible." Was the first thing out of Dan's mouth when he saw me. I laughed.

"Thanks."

"Shit- I mean- fuck-"

"No. It's okay, I get what you mean." I laughed again. "Don't worry. I had a bad nights sleep last night."

"What was wrong? You should have called me." Dan frowned.

I shrugged, not wanting to discuss why I couldn't sleep. Mainly because I didn't want to admit the truth. "I don't know. Just had a lot on my mind."

"Yeah?" Dan asked, concerned. "Well you can always talk to me if there's anything bothering you."

"Thanks Dan." I smiled. "It means a lot to me. It really does."

"Anytime. Now come on, we better get to class."

***

When it was lunch Dan was sat with Louise, someone I didn't really know too well but I saw her around the college and she seemed pleasant.

I noticed Ryan sat with his friends and sometimes I would sit with them but I was angry at him right now so I decided to sit with Dan.

"Hey..." I said, awkwardly as I sat down in the empty seat between the two of them. "Hope you don't mind me joining you."

"Of course not! The more the merrier." Louise smiled.

"Me and Louise were thinking about going to the hill later, want to join us?" Dan asked. I nodded.

"Good! See you at five?"

I nodded again.

I looked over at where Ryan was sat and noticed he didn't seem to care about me, too busy with his friends and back at Dan who had a warm smile on his face and that was when I decided that maybe wrong is right is for me.

X

I've just watched Dan's documentary and omfg it was so good I'm so proud of him.

Also I want "let's plough the chickens" tattooed on my forehead ok ok

I hope you liked this update, I have mixed feelings about it, but I quite like the last line.

It's half term next week so that means more updates!! Maybe if I don't have loads of work lmao.

Hope you're all well ily all ❤️