InkeQuizzles and Chocolate Cake

The Ongoing War Against the Giant Harold Monster

I've been wondering very much lately about why some people are so hateful towards weirdos that just have different tastes from them. Those extremely boring people that have a problem with the fact that I eat soft cookies out of a bowl with a spoon (it's just more convenient), or that I love wearing my fluffy green hat with kitty ears and paws when it's cold, or that I have conversations with myself when I'm making food or I'm eating. And when the extremely boring people point out these things, they think I'm more of a freak when I respond to them in Nadsat slang (Now now, what does that big horsey gape of a grin portend? I'll tolchock you real horrorshow in your bolshy ugly litso if you dare to smeck at me once more..)

And this makes me feel sorry for the extremely boring people. Since they would refuse to do or wear certain things that are really quite nice, just because they're afraid of being called 'weird'. Well, I have one thing to declare: being a weirdo is one of the greatest joys in life, because only then can we embrace our true individuality and insanity, and fight back against the Giant Harold Monster!

The Giant Harold Monster is a fat balding man that floats and spins around in the earth's atmosphere. He is usually seen wearing tan khaki pants and a disgusting gray button-up shirt, and his face is thick and rubbery and always look like it's angry at something. His real name is really Ernest Algernon, but people called him Harold to mock him.

When he was first discovered in 1997, most people pointed up and him and said: "That's a pretty ugly-looking cloud." But then as the months passed, the people became more plain, they started wearing only grey clothes, movies and books that came out were only about talking golf balls that only discussed the weather and why erasers worked. And the weirdos who decided to stay weird were condemned for thinking purple could be the devil's favorite color. They were banned from putting on zombie makeup and scaring people at candy stores (one of my favorite pastimes!), and running through the streets yelling "HALLOWEEN IS COMING" and throwing brownies at people. The Giant Harold Monster seemed pleased at this, even though he would only pick his nose every time he saw a weirdo being ridiculed, and show no other reaction.

The almighty weirdos were fed up with the Giant Harold Monster, and assembled together to seek his destruction. However, most of the weirdos weren't used to being together as a group, and they couldn't agree on any of their plans. Eventually, they all went off to defeat the Giant Harold Monster in their own separate ways, and when the monster floated over their city, they all climbed onto the highest hills and rocks and unleashed their full weirdness upon the fat ugly boring man. Some weirdos jumped up and down and spun in circles, others kept throwing neon socks and silk scarves at the Giant Harold Monster, and the rest were just screaming any random quotes they could think of at him.

"THE SKY IS TUTTI-FRUITY WHEN THERE ARE PUPPIES IN THE SUITCASE!!" the weirdos screamed and threw socks at him. "CTHULHU FH'TAGN, MY HOVERCRAFT IS FULL OF EELS!"

The Giant Harold Monster spun around and stared at them. "What? Are you talking about the weather?"

"MY GOODNESS, IS IT FOUR-THIRTY? YES WE HAVE NO BANANAS."

Followed by a wave of Kool Aid that was splashed upon him by a weirdo piloting a helicopter.

"What does that even mean?! What are you guys trying to do to me?!"

To which the weirdos replied, "WELL, IF IT ISN'T FAT STINKING BILLYGOAT BILLYBOY IN POISON. HOW ART THOU, THOU GLOBBY BOTTLE OF CHEAP STINKING CHIP-OIL? WAIT NO, THIS IS PATRICK." Their next assault was a giant chia pet that was placed on the monster's forehead.

"Aaaghhhhh!!!!! " the Giant Harold Monster's hands drew to his face, where he threw off the chia pet and sobbed and screamed in horror. "I CAN'T TAKE THIS! YOU MUST BE PUNISHED!!"