lovely boy ; phan [ completed ]

o c h o

(unrelated author's note ; i've been listening to so much all time low lately they are my babies also the last name in the beginning of each chapter is a thing now i guess)

trigger warning ; mentions of relationship abuse & anxiety ticks

phil lester didn't know who the hell this guy was, but he could tell dan howell didn't feel comfortable around him, despite his attempts at looking like he was. he could tell from the strained expression on his face, the tapping of his foot under the table, his labored breathing, the tightened grip he had on phil's hand and the nervous undertones in his voice. when dan introduced the man, who was now known to phil as ethan, the man had a smile on his face that seemed sinister. he didn't like the smile on his face, and he didn't like the hand he kept on dan's back. he didn't like how nervous dan was around this man. he decided he didn't like whoever this ethan person was. he started rubbing circles on dan's hand, and it seemed to calm him down a bit. his foot tapped at a slower rate, and his breathing slowed to a more normal rate.

"ethan, hi, nice to meet you," phil smiled politely, sticking out a hand. it took all of his strength no to tell him off. "i'm phil, dan's boyfriend," he looked over to dan, who looked surprised but smiled softly and nodded slightly. the man (phil didn't believe he deserved a name) frowned, but took phil's hand anyways. "boyfriend, eh? i'm surprised you moved on from me howell," he spat in dan's direction. so this was a past boyfriend?  "he deserves to. you seem like a bit of an asshat," phil mumbled. his eyes widened as he realized what he said. "what the hell did you just call me?" the man asked. "an asshat." he said, growing in confidence. "i called you an asshat. clearly i was right, so please, kindly, fuck off. i was trying to enjoy a nice dinner date with my boyfriend, which you so clearly ruined." phil said matter-of-factly, letting go of dan's hand and standing up to his full height. he towered over the man, and looked down at him in order to hold eye contact.  the man cowered under his gaze, and walked away grumbling. phil watched him leave the restaurant.

phil took a deep breath and sat back down.  dan was still smiling lightly. phil took his hand again, rubbing circles on his hand again. he needed to calm himself down. he wasn't used to sticking up to people. "dan, if you would, could you explain who that guy was?" phil asked gently. dan gulped, but he nodded. as he started, his voice was quiet.

"ethan is my only ex-boyfriend. i was young, and thought i knew things about love. i mean, i'm still young, but i think i understand better," dan paused to compose himself. "take your time," phil encouraged. dan smiled gratefully and continued. "h-he.. uh.. oh god this is going to sound so weak," he sputtered, looking down. phil raised his chin with a careful hand to bring dan's eyes to his own. "dan, you are anything but weak, i promise you," phil said, and he meant every word. "if you dealt with that douche, you must be really  strong." dan laughed quietly at this, and continued on, a bit more confidently.

"uhm, well.. he ah.. verbally abused me, i guess you could say? he pressured me into doing things i didn't want to do. at first, everything was fine. he acted as if he actually loved me. but a month in, he started telling me to do things that i didn't want to do. saying if i really loved him, i would do these things for him. and i went with it, because i was afraid to leave him. he threatened me, saying if i left him, he would kill himself, and i didn't want that on me. i was scared of my own boyfriend. i was living in constant fear of stepping out of line. i ended up doing what he wanted, even getting put in the hospital for it. and you know what? he didn't even visit. and when i asked him why, you know what he said? he said i was being whiny and needed to shut my mouth. so i did. and everyday i loathe my past self for not sticking up for myself. the last straw was when he pr-" dan's voice cracked, and his eyes glistened with fresh tears, but he kept on. "he pressured me to have sex with him.." dan whispered, and a few tears dropped. "but i didn't do it. i couldn't, and he knew how i felt about the whole thing. so i left him. i left town. i didn't think i'd ever see him again.." dan sniffled.

phil was utterly heartbroken for dan. he didn't deserve a single thing that evil man did to him. not a single thing. phil glanced at their untouched food and called karen over. "could we get boxes for these?" he asked. he could see karen glance over at dan, who was now misty-eyed, and smile empathetically. "sure. the food's on me," she said. she smiled to dan knowingly, and phil was happy with her change of heart. she packed the food in boxes and handed them to phil. "i hope you enjoyed your food, and have a lovely evening," karen said, waving the two out.

phil led dan out into the parking lot. once the two boys were in the car, phil turned to dan. "i just want to let you know, i will never, ever pressure you into anything. i want you to feel comfortable and safe with me, and please tell me if you feel otherwise," he pleaded. dan nodded. "did you really mean what you said in there? that was a date?" he asked. phil smiled. "only if you want it to be," he said. "i guess it was a date then," dan giggled, and phil grinned. "and how about the boyfriend part?" dan smirked. phil laughed. "dan, will you be my boyfriend?" he asked. dan pretended to think a moment, and then nodded. "i'll give it a shot."

the two boys laughed softly. the lights in the parking lot illuminated dan's face just so, and the light caught his eyes. phil could help but think just how beautiful he looked at that exact moment. he wanted to make the moment beautiful. "phil? what- what are you doing?" dan stuttered. "thinking about kissing you," phil mumbled. he just caught dan's blush before dan connected their lips. phil wasn't expecting dan to be so bold, but he wasn't complaining. the kiss was soft, and gentle and sweet. it was everything phil imagined, except magnified, and he poured all of the feelings he had for dan into the kiss. "at least now you don't have to think about kissing me," dan murmured against phil's lips. phil's grin grew, and he slowly pulled away.

"let's go to my place, heat this food up, and actually enjoy our dinner date, yeah?" phil suggested. dan nodded and phil started the car.

< a/n >

word count ; 1201

sorry this was so late!! i had a bit of writers block :// i do like how this chapter turned out though