Deaf Wish

Chapter 5

I really thanked god for letting the first few periods pass by so I could finally go to the music room. Before I was deaf I used to play the guitar and sing, I even had private lessons and stuff, my biggest dream was to be singer. Yes, I know, almost every kid dreams of something like that, but I was really serious about it. At the age of five I had a perfect pitch and with seven, I was able to play the guitar without notes.

To be honest, it wasn't easy to achieve that, most of the people said it was genetic or something, but all it really took was hard practice. And then there was this incident, after I lost my hearing I smashed my guitar and burned the score sheets I wrote myself. I completely stopped singing and song writing. But just recently I found out, that our school has three different music rooms, two on the first floor and a third one in the basement. The third one is basically isolated and they also store all the instruments down there. Including the guitars. So I started sneaking downstairs and mess around with them, but I wasn't really serious about it, since I didn't hear what I was playing, that kind of made me shy too, I guess.

As I think about what I should play today, I make my way to the basement, trying to avoid bigger groups of students, since Claire wasn't there to protect me.

Doesn't that sound weak?

I almost jump down the stairs in excitement, finally being able to let go of it for a while. Slowly, I open the door, making sure nobody was inside the cold gray room. Closing it behind me, I turn around and search for the brown country guitar I always play on. There it is, in the back of the shelve next to a bag full of something, no idea what exactly, I smile as I hold it in my hands, taking it over to one of the free seats in the middle of the room. Shaking a little, like always, I sit down and carefully place the instrument on my lap, touching the cold strings with my fingers. I play a few accords, in my mind I can hear them loud and clear so I start the first lines of a song I once wrote, quietly singing along. But as I get carried away, I increase the volume, getting louder and louder, singing my heart out.

This song used to be for my cousin, she died at the age of 11 because of heart issues. It's a powerful and sad one, it took me three months to write it, but even back then, I always had the feeling that it wasn't right, that something was missing, but I could never figure out what it was. I close my eyes and let my mind just pause for a second, the words left my mouth on there own, I didn't have to do anything, I was one with the song. As I play the last few accords and slowly open my eyes again, I almost had a heart attack, when I saw who was standing at the door, clapping and gently smiling at me. I was close to bashing his face in with the guitar in my hand, but I was so shocked that I couldn't even move.

"I didn't know you could sing.", he says, which is actually a stupid statement since he didn't even know my name for once.

"You don't even know me.", I correct him, trying to keep my gaze up and not down to the floor.

"I guess that's true. Nathan, by the way.", I look at him in confusion, he even stopped talking so fast, maybe Claire told him to.

"Come again?", with my head slightly tilted to the left, I look at him.

"My name is Nathan and I also know that your Skylar.", this so called Nathan grins at me, before coming one step closer. I instinctively back it up, keeping a distance from him.

"I talked to your girlfriend and... look man, I'm really sorry about what I said this morning, I didn't mean it. I was just pissed because I had to move away and had to attend a new school, where I didn't know that the school idol was deaf. I'm sorry.", he reaches out a hand towards me, with the other one he strokes his neck, not coming any closer.

"What do you mean with school idol?", I put the guitar down on the floor, leaning it against the metal chair I was sitting on.

"Well, I mean, everybody knows you, and this is a huge high school, you are respected by all the students and teachers here, I mean, doesn't this kinda count as being-"

"Listen, I don't know you, so do you not know me, you have no idea what my social status is at this school after being here for a day, heck not even four hours! So, Nathan, what do the others think of me, huh? Did you walk around the entire building asking all the students about the deaf guy? Or did you have a little chitchat with Claire and she told you everything there is to know about my life, but I guess knowing that I'm deaf is enough, right? Just your average deaf kid!", while I was talking, Nathan slowly pulled his hand back, his grin turned upside down, frowning at me.

"And what if I did? What if I went around and asked about a deaf guy with blonde hair and blue eyes? Would that make a difference to you?", I stare at him in total shock, feeling more and more embarrassed about what I had just said,when I finally started to look at the dirty red carpet floor. My cheeks burn up and I feel kinda dizzy. Just when I thought, that I've finally fought back.

"I'm sorry, it's just...", I couldn't even finish my sentence, as tears start to fill my eyes, running down my red cheeks and dripping on the floor. I see Nathan come towards me, his face in shock and confusion about what he could have done to make me cry. Living in fear all the time, I don't want this anymore!I want to be able to talk to people without panicking.

Suddenly, I'm pulled into two strong arms, struggling at first and trying to push him off of me.

"Please don't touch me...please. I-", more tears escape my eyes and I can't help but think of his embrace as soothing, a feeling of protection welling up inside me. This is the first time I've felt that way, why is he different? Nathans fingers start to play with my hair in a weird calming way, making me calm down a bit. Giving my slow brain a few seconds, I realize in terror, who that guy was, holding me in his arms. I blush violently and push Nathan off of me. He stumbles for a second, but keeps his balance as he looks at me in surprise. I can't believe he hugged me! No wait, I can't believe I let him hug me!

"I-I'm sorry.", we both say at the same time, making it even more awkward. After a few moments of silence he breaks it (which is actually ironic because for me it's still soundless):

"So, the song you were singing was very nice, did you write it yourself? And that guitar thing was really cool, too." Nathan tries to give me a gentle smile, but it ends up being more of a grimace.

"Uhm, thank you, I used to play a lot before..., so yeah it was designated to my cousin, who died at a very young age.", he nods, still looking at me in that weird way.

"Would you mind singing something for me?", my eyes widen as he said that, I mean why would he ask me something like that, after I just cried in his arms? I wipe my face with my sleeve and look at him tightly.

"I would." At first he seemed confused but after a while he started to understand what I had meant with that. Nathan seems kinda disappointed, so before he could say anything, I quickly add.

"My voice is all ruff from... crying" I said that word so quietly, hoping he didn't hear it.

"Maybe next time, or never, who knows."

His green eyes start to shine as he comes a step closer again, this time I don't back off, trying to keep my posture.

"Great, could you tell me when exactly, so I can come with you?", I have this sneaky suspicion that I won't get him off my back any time soon.

"Maybe, but I really have to go now, Claire is probably already waiting for me at the cafeteria." He clearly tries to hide his frustration and smiles at me.

"Okay, then I'll be going too, see you sometime soon, Skylar." With that and a little hand gesture he leaves me alone in the cold music room and as the door slowly falls shut, I turn around and look at the guitar, now I don't even want to play anymore.