Vile Shade [Book 3] [Jeff the Killer x Reader] [JTK]

Memory 5: Inaugural (Day 25)

The urge to do something stupid has always been within me.

I grew up thinking that I was just a strange kid without friends. There wasn't really anything to be concerned about. I played with my brother most of the time and occasionally with one or two friends from school, but I spent more hours than I can count just staring at the walls of my room. They were a grayish color, dull and satin-lacking. Often, they would reflect a hint of my bed sheets or shine from the moon outside. There was such a pretty moon at my old home. I miss it. Now I have this aggravating ball of destiny grinning down at me. Sometimes I wonder if it's really the same moon my brother and I saw outside our window. We watched that damn thing every night, just staring at it together all the time, wishing for our dreams to come true.

None of them did.

I feel the temptation of a stupid act pulling me again. I heard that things like this result from the fear of them happening to oneself, but I can assure you that I don't care what happens to me. I'm invincible. There's no way anyone could overcome me or even try to kill my bolstered brain. The only person capable of such measures is me. And it's not like I'm out to get myself. No, it is not I who wishes to destroy the line of fate I created, for it is the changing seasons and brimming tides that do. I'm being hunted by natural acts.

Imagine this:

The entire sea beneath you is filled with the chilled specs of water that aimlessly fall from the dull, barren sky. Kids are not playing or building snowmen, and the mindless pets of ignorant owners are not running in the frozen ocean furthermore. You close your eyes and only hear the void of sound echoing off the incomprehensible trees and invisible comrades that led you to the spot of vast emptiness. As the silent breeze swiftly scans your forehead, you feel tiny needles pressing into your hypersensitive, yet numb, layer of skin.

Corneas of obsidian crows that contrast with the landscape watch as you expose your pupils to the sky and find the weight beneath you to be too much. Icy bricks give way and you sink into the dreadful white, knees knocking on the doors of a false haven- one that deceived the whites of your eyes and tricked you into visiting the hope that would be just too far away, simply too far out of your reach. And the past haunts your stiff, frozen bones as the serpent of an arctic fox crawls up your spine and whispers in your ear, "This is the joy of winter," before your riotous, anarchic mind is ready to collapse. The crows start screaming, howling at you, digging claws into your brain, scraping out the lust you once dropped to the bottom of the ocean- the memories you just can't seem to bury deep enough- as the cold finally confronts you, and the barriers you once built are shot down.

And then you are met with a state of regret and guilt that is foreign to the emptiness you previously were succumb to, multiplying the anxiety and din that only exists in your head. Flash, flash! The white before you turns to red. Vines swoop around and around all the different little antique bones laying straight up out of the grave, and all that you ever knew disappears.

That really is the joy of winter. But do you now understand?

Society is like a lake in the winter time. It still goes through its vicious cycle with or without the bottom-feeders. My fate is a frozen icicle hanging over a stiff, chilling ocean in the wonderland of a burrowed cave.

But enough about me. All I've talked about so far is my life and my problems and I know no one wants to hear about that. I'm completely worthless, so there's no point in leaving behind any trace of my existence. But since I will soon be erased from the reality of the world, I must rescue others from this harsh life we were put into like cattle. And like I've said before, that's exactly what I'm doing to her- the girl that has fallen from hell and tried to ride back up again on her feet. It just makes me cringe when I think about all the hardships that I could impose on her that were supposed to be saved for her future.