Vile Shade [Book 3] [Jeff the Killer x Reader] [JTK]

Memory 13: Revive (Day 219)

I don't think you understand how frustrated I am right now. I can't fucking find him. It's like that alleyway doesn't exist. I've searched and I've searched, but my efforts are useless. This is real torture.

I guess it shouldn't matter to me, but he's all I have left. All these games with fate made me realize that what I've done to that girl is utterly wrong. This August doesn't speak the same words as the last one, and it's because everything I've ever dreamed about has disappeared.

Who am I kidding? I never dream. Never have and never will.

I've started to realize that the pain I put on others just isn't justified anymore. But that doesn't make any sense to me. Why do I feel the need to take my anger out on everyone else? I'm a level-headed freak with the temper of a wolf. I don't get it. Is that why all these people keep bickering at me, telling me to end everything I've built? My walls are so, so fragile, but everyone thinks they're made of steel. They don't know that I slowly made them taller, adding remnants of the people that lost trust in me every so often. They consist of lost feelings that were never supposed to guard anyone. But that's exactly what they do. It isn't justified.

There's a knock on the door when I least expect it. After putting myself in a depressed mood, I don't exactly wanna talk to anyone. This house is sleeping while I stay awake. The last thing I need is for someone to wake her.

I answer it anyway.

Pathetic.

The person I see glares at me with sable eyes and makes her way inside before I have a chance to close the door. She props herself up on the countertop and expects me to sit with her. So I stand instead. I stand there and shake and tremble, not because of fear for her, but because of fear for what she might say. I sway back and forth while I await a word to come out of her mouth. I know why she's here, and she knows I know it. Facing the truth is not my forte, so this conversation won't end well.

"You need to stop what you're doing," Jane says. "Or I'll tell the world how much of a failure you are."

Every breathing motion in this room is so vexed and choleric, the sound makes my lungs bleed.

"I'm sure it already knows. The moon's been bright lately."

I wonder if Jane would ever do anything about it. I know she hates this situation I'm in, but does she have the guts to end it herself? I've always thought about that, about whether or not she favors intervention. Considering the fact that she showed up with such a caustic timing, I can assume that she doesn't want to do anything drastic right away.

None of this is right.

"That girl isn't worth it," she sighs. "You know that, right? You really shouldn't do this type of stuff anymore. Especially when it's planned out. It just makes people all the more ignorant."

She's anything but ignorant. I can't believe she would talk about her like that. This girl is the only person I've been able to talk with about my troubles. I search endlessly every day for someone that I can open up to and trust. I worry about that sometimes, actually. I haven't trusted a single person in years, and she has been the only one that I would ever consider completely trusting. I just wish that she trusted me too.

Jane walks around the room, staring at pictures on the walls and frames showing beautiful faces. She chuckles to herself and grins before she asks me about the families I remember demolishing.