Vile Shade [Book 3] [Jeff the Killer x Reader] [JTK]

Memory 14: Puppeteer (Day 301)

Today is a short chapter.

Everyone seems to be stuck in the unknown.

If they knew any better about me, they wouldn't be calling me an idiot or someone who can't acknowledge their own mistakes. Damn, I thought I had a hard time understanding people. But others have a harder time understanding me. Anyone who knows me would know that there's reasons behind what I do. I can get worked up over nothing when the reality is that everything you say makes me question the reason you even talked to me in the first place.

I really cared about you, you know? But if you cared about me, you wouldn't push me when I'm down with your fake endangerment, acting as if everything's on the line all at once. The line would break easily if that was the case. There are more problems than that. Everything seems to be an issue when it comes to the two of us existing at the same time, right? You think I'm the parasite, but maybe it's just you.

Isn't that right, Liu?

No, I can't say that about him. It isn't his fault that the two of us weren't destined to be in the same place at the same time. If we were, he wouldn't be trapped in a warehouse with two idiots keeping watch.

That's the only good thing about this. The Jacks don't know how to develop a good enough plan. There's no way I won't be able to save my brother without finding a loophole. They picked a pretty popular location, for one. I can get the layout from anyone who works there or knows the area enough to have been inside before it was remodeled into a shipment center.

I can't wait until Liu and I can live perfectly again. The two of us will be brothers in crime, fighting away all the pesky ants that try to infiltrate a different colony.

Yeah, right.

Every day of my life pans out like a chapter in some stupid story. I go off topic too much and I change my mind about what I want to talk about nearly every paragraph. Every day is like an internal monologue no one wants to hear. So why do I keep it up? Why do I act as if people are listening? For the sake of completion, maybe. For the sake of knowing that I wouldn't be dead without a leaving some sort of trace as to what I did during my lifetime.

Today is a short chapter. They took everything away.

Paragraphs become shorter as I sit here and think to myself that my actions are utterly hopeless against them and that I'm just telling myself everything's fine for no reason. Because it's really not. Nothing is fine. They have the one person I never thought I'd see again and the other person I care about is being killed by me and the stupid things that I do, and everything and everyone in this world is fucking depressed as hell. It's like there's strings on my back controlling me, making me want to do hopeless things that I know will never work out because I'm depressed as hell.

I remember they said, "You'll have him once you kill her. Let's test Fate," and it drives me insane knowing that they want me to pick between two terrible endings of a story that got screwed in the fire and curse of Cain before it was even written. I tried to poison her again; I really did. I kept stalling and staring and waiting and watching but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I had to force my own hand to crush the capsule and wait for it to dissolve like a stupid idiot. And do I regret it? Yeah, I do. There's no point in this anymore.

In two months it will have been a year since I met her. It was probably the worst year of her life. Honestly, I should promise to make this next one great, but I doubt she'll even make it that long. I wish it wasn't too late to fix things, but I tend to get caught up in disasters before I realize that I might not enjoy the outcome of them. It's boring to others to see this happen. I bore people. I bore the world I first intended to inform and change. I bore the ones who once wished and begged for a new chapter. But that's my fate, isn't it? To lose the ones who kept me going in the beginning? I can't blame them at all. Are they missing out? Possibly. They're missing a world filled with surprises, and this is just a recap. They would skip to the next story in line in a heartbeat, but there is nothing after this. Nothing after this story is real. All in the messed up heads of people trying to fool society. Don't listen to them.

October air is lovely, but the autumn leaves haven't quite fallen off the trees yet. They're losing their color, but not their state of mind. They want to try so hard to cling to their old beliefs, and they're wasting chances to learn and gain knowledge of what can happen outside of their perfect little world. They don't see the crying eyes of misery that consume the tormentors in despair. I have nothing to show to them besides anger. I would yell, "She's already dying... Just let it take time!" But I'm sure they aren't listening. "And give me back my fucking brother!" I'd try again. But nothing would change.

Today, I am dressed like a clown chasing safety, falling off the edges of cliffs into the abyss of unknown monograms and four-letter words that protect everyone from each other: hate and love. Today, I am waiting for something to make the leaves fall off the trees for good.

Today is a short chapter. I have nothing left to pour my blood out into; they took one terribly amazing thing away.