Destiel Oneshots

05 - My Dysfunctions

A.N. Hi so this update probably won't be so good. Mainly because I think the fluffiness has commit suicide. All that's left in this oneshot is:

✴ A fuck ton of angst and sadness.
✴ well it's an AU so there's that

Btw, the song linked is Amelia by Tonight Alive and it kinda describes this oneshot if you change Amelia to Dean.

So I hope you cry reading this because I know I'll cry writing it. Have fun.

Date: Sunday 14th January

Hello journal. I'm Castiel Novak. As I'm writing this, I'm 14 years old and basically there's a lot of stuff I want to get off my chest.

My parents ("Santa") got me this book for Christmas, the one I'm currently writing in. It's some kind of therapeutic book titled My Dysfunctions. Well, it's supposed to be therapeutic.  Basically I'm supposed to write down everything that is currently causing me to be dysfunctional. And trust me, that's a lot.

Dean would laugh at me if he saw me writing in this. He would say, "it's such a chick flick thing,"

And I'd laugh at myself along with him, blushing slightly like the stupid gay idiot I am.

But it doesn't matter what Dean thinks anymore.

Speaking of Dean, I miss him. He is basically the entire reason my family think I'm "dysfunctional".

I know, every entry I write I'll start by saying Dear Dean instead of Dear Diary.

Maybe that will make up for how little we've spoken since what happened. Plus it will seem a lot less pathetic.

Anyway, I'm going to go now. I'll start with the proper updates tomorrow.

Date: Sunday 20th January

Dear Dean,

I know that last week I said I'd write to you the next day but that didn't really go to plan.

I forgot about this book. But it might actually be useful now.

There's a lot of stuff I want to get off my chest, mainly concerning you.

So it's been 3 or 4 years since we last spoke. I'm fucking crying already. Sorry.

Anyway, as I said, it's been 3 or 4 years since we last spoke. Although I did wish you happy birthday on Instagram last year. And you replied with a love heart emoji that made me die of happiness but that's besides the point.

The point is, I still can't forgive myself for what I did to you. And even though you're never going to read this, I still want to say I'm so sorry. I'm not asking for forgiveness because I know I don't deserve it but I want you to know I'm sorry for every way I hurt you that day. I've never regretted anything more.

The image of your face when I told you still haunts my thoughts at night. And the way those tears stained your perfect face will always make me cry.