Bullshit

Chapter 2

Harrys POV: 

I was packing up mine and Louis' clothes when I noticed it, one of my romones t-shirts. Except it wasn't in my suitcase, it was in Louis. I smiled and picked it up in my hands.

I remember the day that I gave this to him a few years back on our tour bus. He was complaining that he was, cold so without question I took my shirt off and gave him to him, he smiled and kissed me on the cheek saying a quick thanks. I remember how my cheeks flushed a crimson red and Louis winked at me before cuddling into my arms as we watched a movie.

I let out a happy sigh at the memory and put the shirt in his suitcase. It made my heart swell to know that he kept it, and was still wearing it. I smiled and finished our packing bringing it out to the bus where all the other boys were waiting. 

"To L.A boys!" LIam cheered happily, jumping on the bus. 

We all followed him and sat down getting comforatble for the long journey ahead. I looked around and furrowed my eyebrows. 

"Wheres Louis?" I asked.

"We're picking him up at the next town." Zayn said, not once looking up from his phone, he was probably texting Perrie.

I nodded and looked out the window, I wished that him and Eleanor would break up, that Louis would realize how much I love him and come to me instead. I scoffed at the idea and pulled a blanket around me to keep me warm, the same blanket me and Louis cuddled under many times on this very couch. At least until he 'grew up' as he likes to call it.

The first time Louis refused to cuddle with me, I almost cried. I know it sounds pathetic... and it kind of was. But I loved him, and that was one of the special things we did together. It was the only way I could hold him and pretend he was mine, where I could ecscape reality and pretend that he loved me.

But there was no more pretending, I just had to bite my lip  and hold back tears. Something I seem to be doing alot of lately. 

Suddenly the bus came to a stop. I looked out side the window and saw Louis kissing and hugging Eleanor goodbye. I bit my lip as hard as I could but I couldn't  help it when a small sob escaped my lips. I shook my head and quickly wiped away a lone tear before collecting myself.

Louis walked onto the bus with his hair messy, clothes wrinkled and bunched up and a goofy smile on his face. I know what happened last night, you had to be stupid not to know what they did, and yet a part of my brain denied it all. Even though I knew it was true.

"Harry, did you pack mystuff up?" he asked sitting across from me and instantly going on his phone like Zayn was.

"Yeah." I mumbled nodding my head.

"Thanks mate." Louis chirped.

"No problem." I said, even though he wasn't listening to me. 

I looked over at Louis and sighed, I bet he was texting Eleanor right now. I frowned at the thought and pulled my phone out. I looked through my contacts and saw no one that I wanted to talk to. I looked at Louis' name and pressed it.

Hey :) 

I sent quickly. I heard Louis phone beep and he looked up at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Why are you texting me, we're sitting four feet across from eachother." He told me. 

"I know... I just wanted to talk to you." I smiled, fake of course, but Louis didn't seem to notice.

"Well you can talk to me right now, what do you wanna talk about?" He asked.

I didn't know what to say, we hardly ever had real conversations any more and this was my chance to have one.

"Um.... uh... How are you and El?" I asked, mentaly face palming my self.

This conversation was going to break my heart into peices, I just knew it. 

At the mention of Eleanor Louis smiled and sighed.

"Its going great, um I was actually thinking of proposing." He smiled.

That was it.... at that moment I felt the most extreme pain in my chest. I wanted to cry, i wanted to scream, I wanted to throw up and just die. But I didn't do any of that, instead I swallowed the lump in my throat and trued my hardest not to cry.

"Thats great." I choked out. "I'm so Ha... happy for you." 

"Harry are you okay, you look kind of pale." Louis questioned.

"Fine... just got to go to the bathroom." I rushed before racing to the washroom and throwing up.

There were tears constantly running down my face, I tried my best not to make any crying noises. Once I was finished I wiped my mouth with a paper towel and threw it out. That was it, everything was over. Any chance that I ight have had with Louis was gone.

I could hear excited chatter from the boys about Louis proposing to that... that... Well honestly, to that great women. There was nothing wrong with her, she was pretty, she was slim, she was funny and most importantly, she was a girl. I cried harder covering my mouth with my hand to contain the loud cries.

I couldn't take this! I just couldn't! Without thinking at all I got up and slammed the door open going out into the small living room where all the boys were talking.

"Oh my god Harry are you okay?" Niall asked as they all stared at my distressed state.

"Louis I...I love you" I told him. "I have since the first time I saw you in that bathroom." 

Everything was silent, the only sound was the spinning wheels against the pavement. Louis looked up at me with a distressed look on his face.

"Your kidding, this is a joke right? Some type of sick twisted joke, right?" He asked me.

Slowly I shook my head, what did I just do? I ruined it, the small peaice of friendship that we had left was gone. I had just distroyed EVERYTHING!

"Harry... this has to be a joke." Louis said.

"Its not, I really love you Louis, more then a friend should." I whispered. 

Louis shook his head in disbeleif and looked up at me with a frown. "You don't love me."

"Yes I do." I told him, holding back more tears.

"No, you don't!" He shouted.

"Yes I do, I love you more then I love myself." I muttered.

"You don't! You can't. Because I love Eleanor, a girl! I could never love you, you a good friend but come on Harry. be realistic. This isn't some fan fiction written by some crazed fan. What did you think I was going to say? Did you think I was going to tell you I love you too? Because I dont." He explained harshly.

"I-I dont kn-know...I j-just hoped th-that may-be." But I cousn't finish, the tears in my ears and the rough feeling in my throat prevented me from speaking any more.

"That maybe what? That maybe I would suddenly turn into a fag?" He spat.

More tears came to my eyes and I let out a small sob. 

"Louis thats enough." Liam told him.

"No Liam, he needs to hear this. He needs to know that I wont love him back.... ever." 

I let out another cry and felt my knees buckle from underneath me. Every word that Louis said felt like a razer sharp blade to my heart.

"Louis stop it!" This time Zayn spoke up, sending Louis an icy cold stare.

Louis shook his head and quickly walked over to his bunk.

"Harry are you okay?" Niall asked, kneeling next to me.

I sobbed harder and shook my head. He's never going to love me back, he's not a fag like me. I cried even harder, wetting Niall t-shirt. 

Somehow, even after all of that, I still loved him. It was as if my heart wanted to be broken.