Bullshit

Chapter 13

“Now boarding; Flight 187 to Homes Chapel.” The robotic voice rang out loudly through the almost empty airport.

I have made sure that I had gotten the earliest flight that I possibly could, I didn’t want to leave while Louis was awake. If I saw him before I left I would probably break down crying in front of him like some three year old baby. A deep sigh escaped my lips as I grabbed my back pack from the floor, walking towards the small line up to my plane.

The air was clear, almost too clear. Like someone had brought a vacuum in here and took out any type of small dust that may be flying in the air. It made the airport seem plain and boring more then it did to make it seem comfy. 

Flipping my hood over my head I walked onto the back end of the plane, I didn’t want anyone to see my and possibly tell the paparazzi. They were still on my ass about crying during the interview, I don’t need any one wondering why I was on a plane back home.

“Hello passengers my name is Jacob and I will be your captain today. We ask that you store your carry on in the above cabinet and…”

I put on my head phones and turned the volume the loudest it could go, effectively tuning out the captains words. There was nothing new to be heard any way, I had heard everything before.

The flight attendant gave me a fake happy smile, her bright red lips stretching almost painfully across her face. Ignoring her, I looked out the window, watching as we began to take off.

Maybe I just need to think positively about all of this, after all I do get to visit my family. My mum will be ecstatic I’m sure, whenever we talk on the phone she is always telling me how much she misses me and wishes I could come home.

A small smile crept onto my face, yeah; maybe this is a good thing. I can see all my friends, go hang out for a while. Maybe even forget about the whole thing with….Lou.

Instinctively I reached down and wrapped my hand around my covered arm, thinking of the name written on my skin. Louis was right, it was going to scar, and I had cut deep enough to make sure that it would. I never wanted to forget him, even if he forgot about me and our friendship, I never will. And this is just a little reminder so I make sure that he is always with me, in a way.

While I was doing it at the time I actually thought that he would like me more for it, I thought that maybe he might even be flattered by it. Flattered that I would intentionally hurt myself, just for him. But of course he wouldn’t, I don’t blame him. He had the right to be mad at me and upset, although I never thought that he wouldn’t want me on tour anymore.

I don’t regret it though, how could I regret something that brought me even closer to him. Sadly Louis didn’t see it that way; he didn’t see it as a sign of my love for him. He only saw it as another reason to send me to a therapist.

The last thing that I need is to pay someone a shit ton of money, just to tell them my ‘feelings’, only for them to hand me a bottle of pills. I can always talk to myself about that stuff, after all I’m the only one who would ever listen.

Letting out a sigh, I closed my eyes and rest it on the window. Soon I fell asleep, the only things on my mind were going home, and Louis.

.

.

.

A light tap on my shoulder woke me up; a male flight attendant was smiling at me, his hand still on my shoulder.

“We’ve arrived at the destination sir.” He said politely.

I nodded and shook his hand off of me, unbuckling my seat belt and standing up to grab my bag from the overhead compartment.

It didn’t take very long until I was in a cab heading home, my suitcase in the back of the trunk. I watched the town pass by, it seemed as though it never changed since when I had left it three years ago. There were still the same parks in the same places, and the bake shop that I use to work in looked the exact same from the outside.

Once we arrived at my house I paid the man generously, earning a tip of his hat from him. I smiled and walked up to the house, knocking on it, creating a small song like I used to do when I was little.

“Who on earth could be visiting us at this hour! I swear if it’s another fan coming to see out house I’m going to lose my head!” I heard my mum say loudly, followed by the sound of footsteps.

The door swung open and it took my mum a minute to realize that it was me at the door.

“Harry?!” She asked.

I gave a small nod and dropped my bags and reached over to give her a hug. It’s been a long few weeks, I needed a hug from my mum.

“Hi mum.” I mumbled into her neck.

“Come inside my baaaby! Oh, I can make some tea and we can chat. Why are you back? I thought the tour didn’t end for another month? How are the boys, Oh I haven’t seen them in forever.” She ranted mindlessly, grabbing my bags and bringing them inside for me.

I let out a soft chuckle and followed her in, the warm and familiar smell of home greeting me and instantly making me feel safe and loved.

Following her into the living room we both sat down on opposite chairs, the smile on her face was so large that it nearly reached her bright eyes. My mum looked so happy right now, it was a moment that I relished and saved inside of my memory.

“So sweetie pie, tell me why your back so early.” She said, leaning forward slightly.

I rubbed the back of my neck and bit my bottom lip nervously.

“Mum. You aren’t going to be happy with what I’m going to tell you.” I stated.

Her smile former into a frown quickly, and a concerned and curious look appeared on her face. “What is it Harry?”

I took in a deep breath, she was my mum, and I knew that I can trust her with anything. She deserved to know the truth; she deserved to know how I was feeling. So I told her, I told every little feeling that I’ve had from Louis, leading up to the attempted suicide, but I left out his name on my arm. That was my little secret. By the end It was midday and my mother had tears in her eyes.

“Oh baby.” She cried, running over and hugging me tightly. “That boy doesn’t know what he’s missing.” She whispered, burying her head into my neck.

I let out a small watery smile and wrapped my arms around my mums’ small body, holding her close to me. I wanted to tell her that he does know, he knows everything about me. But I didn’t want to end the moment; I wanted to stay here in my mums arms forever, feeling warm and protected from the world.

But I knew that couldn’t last forever.