"Good morning, sunshine."
The gentle purr of Sophie's voice is probably the best wake up call that any girl could ever wished for. My eyelids flutter lazily, not ready yet to start the day. I cuddle closer to her warm body and sigh happily. She chuckles softly while pulling me closer into her arms. She shivers slightly when my warm breath caresses the sensitive skin on her neck. I press my face closer to her skin, marveling on the exquisite scent of hers. Perfect. She is perfect. Everything finally falls into place, but my heart seems to be asking for more. What is it?
It has been seven months since my escape to Bali. Since the last time I saw Cara. It doesn't hurt that much anymore when I hear about her on the news or somewhere else. The longing has finally subsided into a slight tug in my stomach whenever I see her face. I convinced myself that it's totally normal to still want my first love, even just a little. It's impossible to forget your first love anyway, especially someone as remarkable as Cara. It's only an innocent feeling. Ninety percent of my heart is still with Sophie. Everything is good. It's fine. Really.
"Come on, sleepy head," Sophie's voice drags me back from my thoughts. "We'll be late for brunch with your parents if we don't get up now."
Right. I finally feel comfortable enough with our relationship to introduce Sophie to my parents. This is a big day for us. Sophie has been patient enough with me, waiting for me to take my baby steps in pur relationship. She did all the right things. Always making time for me despite her tight schedule, always returning my calls, flying back and forth from the set. Yet I am still terrified as hell to make a step forward with her.
"Baby," she nuzzles her face into my hair. "Come on, wake up."
"Okay, okay." I open my eyes and see her smiling face.
"Hey, beautiful," she says before she kisses me gently.
"Hey, sweetheart," I smile to her lips. "I love waking up next to you."
"I know. It's my favorite part of the day too." She pauses for a while. "It's too bad that we cannot do this every day."
"I know." I rest my head on her chest, listening to her steady heartbeats. Somehow, we managed to defy the U-Haul myth of lesbian world and keep alternating between our places to stay. But half of the time, we were already too tired from our long day at work and forced to be satisfied with night phone calls only.
"You know, I've been meaning to ask you this for a while," she pulls herself up to look at me. "I just want you to think about it. No pressure at all."
My throat tightens, I think I know where is this going.
"Would you like to move in with me? My place or yours, it doesn't matter. I just want us to be together."
She ends her sentence with the most sincere smile that I've ever seen. I swallow nervously and look up into her eyes. She's waiting for my answer. I try to think of a reason against it. There's none. It's the most logical thing to do. Move in with someone who looks at me with so much love in her eyes, it would be stupid to say no to her. I love her. It is the right thing to do, right?
The silence between us is getting hard to ignore. Sophie is absently playing with my hair, just to have something to do while she waits. The gentle caresss of her fingers on my hair should have been enough to convince me. But something is still off. A name that pops into my mind out of nowhere is probably the reason of my hesitation. I shake the thought off immediately. No, she doesn't have any part in my life anymore. Shit, I have to say something. I muster all of my courage into a pathetic attempt of a smile. Silently praying, I hope that I won't regret what I am going to say next.
"Of course. I would love to move in with you, sweetheart."
She beams at me, pulling me closer to her arms. Surrounded by her warmth, I feel safe. I love her, she loves me. It's not the madly-in-love that I felt with Cara, but hey, who needs insanity if I can have the stability that Sophie gives me?
"Thank you, love." She whispers into my hair. "For making me the happiest woman on earth."
*
"I'm getting a place with Sophie," I say to Amy after we settled into our seats.
"Congratulations, honey!" Amy pulls me into a hug. "That's a big step for you two! So you're finally settling with her, huh?"
I play with the straw, suddenly seem so interested in my ice latte. Amy raises an eyebrow, noticing my uneasiness. "I sense that there's a but coming here. Come on. Tell me what's wrong."
After taking a long sip, I look up and give her a weak smile. "Nothing. I'm totally happy with it. It's the right thing to do."
"So this is your brain taking the step, huh?" She leans back into a seat. She knows me so well, she can decipher almost all of my hidden meanings. "What about your heart? What is it saying?"
"It says that something is still not right about my relationship with Sophie." I know that I can trust her with this. She's my steering wheel, she'll know what's best for me. "It's like there's something still missing, you know?"
Amy takes a long look at me, before she sighes. "It's about her, isn't it? Cara?"
I considered to lie at her, but there's no point of it. She already knows. I only nod.
"God! Jess, are you out of your mind?" Her hands are madly waving around her, pointing out that she's annoyed at me. "You have one of the most beautiful, kind, fun and caring woman in your arms. Yet you're still thinking about that cheating bastard."
"I know, I know," I say helplessly. "I just can't help it. Do you really think that I don't know how stupid and wrong it is? Sophie's good for me. Unlike Cara."
"So, what are you going to do with it?"
"I'm just going to live with it. Cara isn't an option anymore. I love Sophie. I'm sure that it's going to be enough for me."
Amy shakes her head, still not believing how ridiculous my heart works. It always pins on the wrong ones. She gives me a pointed look. Something bad is coming.
"But would it be enough for her? You have to be honest with Sophie, Jess. She deserves to know about this."
Damn. "I know. You're right. I'll try to find the best way to tell her."
