Butterflies come flying out [poetry]

Dear me eight months ago,

Before you read what he said know these things.
You already know what he said, and in one month it will happen.
You'll be together and you'll be beyond happy.
You will fall so in love with him that he will teach you how to love yourself, and how to be loved by someone else.
He will run his hands up your ribs like you're made of feathers.
The callouses on his fingertips will feel like home.
You'll kiss him and forget that poems are made of words rather than people.
You'll fall asleep on the couch with him, and listen to his breathing.
It'll feel like his breath is yours at that moment.

He will be your first time, and it will be awkward.
He will be so sweet, ask if you're okay the whole time.
He will stroke your hair and hold you so close afterwards.

Every time after this will be passionate,
and every time after that you'll both be getting better at it.
You'll learn what the other likes,
and doesn't like.

You will fall in love with how badly he wants to go somewhere,
and with his bad days when he thinks too much.

You'll write poems about him that he'll ask so many times to read.

You will think he is the one permanent person in your life.

You will fall in love with how picky he is about his hair,
and fall in love with the way his voice is gravelly late at night.
You'll fall in love with his morning moans,
and his scruff.

He will treat you like you are all he's ever loved,
and all he ever will love.

He will comfort you,
and he will tell you his dreams for your future together.
You will trust him to love you until one of you dies.

And he will rip you to shreds.
On his bad days he will question it all.
He will go to California and when he comes back he will be new.
He will be distant,

and then he will tell you.
He will say he is so madly in love with you,
but he can't stay in the Midwest anymore.
He will tell you he's leaving.

Then he will be even more different.
Like he is already there.
Like you are just some high school sweetheart,
and like it doesn't matter.

Then it'll end.
He will text you while on the phone with a close friend.
You will crumble and sob right then.
Your hands will tremble
you'll understand why people cry with gritted teeth.
You'll remember every good time
and wonder if it was actually real,
and you'll wonder what happened that you aren't worth more than a text.
You will feel like he'll never speak to you again.
You will be ripped apart.

He will say he misses when you were just best friends,
and if that's the case how can he be in love with you?
You'll still be reading the old texts the next day,
and you'll cry in the first class of the day.

You'll wonder if it was the distance or that he lost feelings.

He will rip you in half and leave you for dead.
So before you read what he just said,
and before you say anything back,
know these things.
Know he will be your your first true love,
and your first heartbreak.
Before you say one goddamn word,
is it all worth it?