Butterflies come flying out [poetry]

Tonight finally started

You called me tonight.
You left me last week.

Someone told you to check on me.
Someone told you to call.

Because I haven't been okay.

Tonight finally started.
Two weeks
too late.

you asked how I am.

I'm as good as you can be,
When your permanent person,
Is temporary,
I'm as fine as it gets,
When they say they want to break up,
I'm as okay as a person is,
When they start getting stoned to forget,
But all they can fucking do
Is remember every detail of your jawline.
I'm swell,
If swell means I tried having rebound sex,
And it left me hating myself more.

"So...
Your
Not
Okay"

Those words burned into my mind.

Do I look okay?
Do I sound,
God do I sound okay?
With my voice cracked like glass,
And my hands shaking like leaves.

How have you been?
You've been fine?

And we started yelling.
"You're always so neutral!"
BECAUSE I DIDN'T CARE WHAT WE DID AS LONG AS LONG AS I WAS WITH YOU

"I told you I was moving across the country, and you told me to just go!"
WHAT, DO YOU WANT ME TO SOB?
ASK YOU NOT TO GO?
DON'T GO THEN,
THERE I SAID IT.

"We just dropped it and you didn't seem to care!"
"You just lay there and kept telling me to go, to do it!"
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO HOLD YOU BACK DAMMIT

And then you got quiet...
And I got quiet too.
And I whistled the love song I learned for you.

You just hung up with no goodbye.

You texted me,
said you didn't know what to do.

That one of my friends told you to speak to me,
And the other said I need space.

you wanted to throw your phone away.

You didn't know what to say to me,
So I'll tell you now.

Make me believe it's not all my fault,
For doing exactly what I always do.
For always supporting you...

Tonight finally came.
And I wish I'd told you
One last time,
I love you.