The Friend Zone

Chapter Thirty-Five: You're Not Alone

 "Are you sure you want to do this?" Taylor asked that next Monday as I took one last look in the mirror on the wall of my bedroom back in Buffalo. We'd flown back to Buffalo earlier that morning for my mom's funeral, something I'd been dreading. As much as I had been dreading it, I needed to be there, I needed to have closure of knowing that she was gone for good and that that was the end of her putting me through hell.

"I need to," I sighed, taking a deep breath, "I need closure, Taylor." 

"I know," he sighed, "I just don't want you to go if you can't handle it and I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't handle it."

"I need to handle it," I said.

"Alright," he sighed, "Let's get going." 

Everyone back in Buffalo knew what had happened to my mom, nobody at Aladine knew but they would know soon enough when it came out in the paper in the next few days. I was happy to have escaped from it, from everyone I knew knowing who my mom was and what she had done. The news that she had died spread quickly

The ceremony was small, but not as small as I thought it would be. My sister Lisa, her husband, and their little boy who was only a month and a half old were all there, of course, and so were my mom's parents and her sister along with Aunt Linda and Uncle Jerry. It took about 45 minutes, a little longer than I thought it would be, but I was just glad Dad didn't want me to talk, what was I supposed to say? I was the reason she was dead, I didn't have anything to say.

I tried my best to sneak out of the funeral without a word and get to the dinner, but I was stopped at the door by Aunt Linda. I honestly just wanted the day to get over with, I wanted to go back to the house and hide away for the rest of the afternoon and evening and fly back to Aladine the next day without seeing anyone from back home.

"Hey honey," she said, "I thought I'd catch you before the dinner so we could talk alone.

"I don't know Aunt Linda, I need to go," I sighed.

"How about I drive you to the dinner, Uncle Jerry can ride with Taylor," she said.

"Okay," I sighed as she led me out to her car.

"I know what happened honey," she said as we shut the doors.

"I figured," I sighed.

"It's okay," she said.

"I've never been so scared Aunt Linda," I said quietly as I stared out the windshield.

"Oh honey," she sighed, taking my hand in hers, "Do not blame yourself, she was self-destructive and would've hurt you even more and might have killed you if you hadn't pulled that trigger."
"I know," I said, taking a deep breath, "But I'm trying to get past it."

"Good," she said, "But you've been talking to someone, right?"
"Believe me, Taylor hasn't let me go five minutes without asking me if I'm okay," I laughed.

"I thought so," she smiled.

"Remember that girl in high school who used to pick on me? Keisha Thomas?" I asked.

"I do," she replied.

"Her brother died when she was 10," I remarked, "I remember that he died, but I was digging through old articles and stuff online before the incident and I found out that he died because he bought bad heroine, from my mom."
"Oh Tessa," she sighed.

"She killed him Aunt Linda and she didn't even get prosecuted for it," I said.

"She got away with a lot of things honey, it was all part of the plea deals," she sighed.