Welp, I'm 50% positive that I included all the cliches possible in the last book, so I figured that I should include just one more! Yes: the unnecessary sequel. Yup yup yup, here we are again with EVEN MORE stoopid polynomial tricks--except we're no...
Wattpad does not believe me when I tell them that I was born in 1804, but it's true! So I've decided to tell you the wonderful tragedy of my life, followed by another story because it does not include Ross Lynch and it will be muy short.
So once upon a time, a Smol Tiramisu was born on 8M1AY (le smirk try to figure it out *cough jenna*), 1804. Her parents named her..."Smol Tiramisu". She lived in a time when everything was ashamzing. A lot ashamzing-er than it is today.
There were no computers, no phones, no anything confusing, and everything was p simple. Horses and stuff, no pollution and blech.
Her life was ashmazing because she wasn't bothered by technology and stupid people doing stupid things. Students didn't talk back to teachers, and they didn't sit in the back and sass them to death.
They learned pretty cursive and not ugly D'nealian letters or whatever the heck they're called. The really stupid cursive people learn.
Also Donald Trump wasn't running for president.
It was muy cool.
Then, a number of years ago, a giant rift opened up and sucked this petite cake out of her humble home and into the 21st century.
She was very confused. People around her were just as dumb as she was! There were really stupid cars, really stupid people driving really stupid cars, really stupid people driving really stupid cars WHILE using really stupid phones.
As you can tell, this was muy new to her, and she did not know what to do!!!
OH NOI!
Luckily, with the help of a Maya, Justine, Emma, and Abby, she learned much about the new era, but is still confused on some things.
She would kindly ask for you to explain to her any new terms.
For example, she did not know what a "selfie" was until it was added to the dictionary. She still does not know what a "dab" is. She does not know many abbreviations and cannot use the internet with efficiency.
As you can see, life is very hard for this poor Smol Tiramisu...so pls do the little cake a favour and don't be mad at her bad 21st century skillz.
Annywaayyyyy new story because that was short:
The Story of Mr. and Mr. Stubby-Arms
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Once upon a Murray Hill Chinese School (see, Justine. I'm a good stalker, I sweer) there lived a girl named JUSTINE who has billions upon billions of friends, some of which are Olivia-who-I-don't-know (Google why...she's not a dead bear), Katrina-who-has-a-devaintart-who-I-don't-know and ofc ofc ofc JASMINE THE CLAM!!! (see The Backyardigans by Aidan).
SO ANYWAY, a lot of time after she was given the task of writing about the opium war, and a lot later than when she learned about the history of jeans, and even later than when she had many sleepless nights of planning, Justine had to sew a PUPPET!
And sooooo Justine is no longer the Teen Protagonist. Now we have a NEW TEEN PROTAGONIST! Yes, the puppet.
Mr. Puppet's POV:
When he arrived in the mail shipped straight from Celebrity Universe, Mr. Puppet decided that it was a good time to go get himself some clothes. He walked around screaming "I DON'T GOT MOONEY I DON'T GOT CLOTHES SOMEONE GET MEH SUM CLOOOTHES" until finally someone showed up.
Oh noi!
IT WAS JUSTINE.
By far, Justine was the greatest tailor in the whole entire universe and could sew amazing things as long as she wasn't feeling lazeh.
She was also a professional actress, swimmer, and a whole bunch of other things, so I has no clue why she would be sewing clothes.
Justine approached Mr. Puppet and whipped out her magic wand.
"Accio clothes!" she screamed and clothes fell into her palm.
Mr. Puppet put them on and screamed in terror, "MY ARMS BE TOO SHORT JUSTINE WHY!"
"Im surry Mr. Poopet," Justine smirked, "But I was sure to order X-tra short arm size. This is the best I can do,"
Mr. Puppet was very depressed and set off to find himself a husband who would do nothing but compliment his stubby arms all day. Like Alexander Hamilton, he made a list of good qualities in a husband and set off to find him. He travelled around the world until he finally found the love of his life.
It was Mr. Digestive system!
Yes, the amazingly amazing drawing drawn by yours truly feat. Jack Melillo and Keriann Letehrrisanmkldsn however you spell it.
"Omg," Mr. Puppet screamed, "You will be my husband because YOU HAVE STUBBY ARMS TOO! OMG GUESS WHAT TAMARA ACTUALLY DREW NORMAL ARMS AND JACK AND KERIANN ERASED THEM WHILE SHE WAS IN FUTUTRES SO IT LOOKS UGLY AF!!!"
"Yas," Mr. Digestive System said. He was so glad to be finally understood. It was such a horrible mistake for Keriann and Jack to erase those normal-length arms or to erase normal eyes and replace them with frog eyes. He was muy sad then, but now he met Mr. Puppet and he was muy muy happy!!! Yip yoooppp!!
"Omg MARRY ME," Mr. Digestive System said and Mr. Puppet jumped into his arms. They ran to the Church of Math and got married immediately.
They changed both of their last names to Stubby-Arms because Mr. Stubby-Arms thought the digestive system was disgusting. And Mr. Stubby-Arms 2.0 was ashamed to even have a digestive system.
And besides, as long as you don't sin, anything goes in the Church of Math. One day later, they had 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 children who eventually outnumbered the non stubby-armed people. And everyone on earth had stubby arms except for ROSS LYNCH from then on because he is immortal ofc.
