Remind Me Again

Post- Interlude (Tamara's Journal)

Tamara’s Journal

“Our mind is like a treasure chest. It’s filled with different kinds of memories that our brain has stored. We may not know how many memories we have but for sure our brain can store more memories than we know, because it has a lot more spaces in its own memory card.”

~Cupid & Psyche; Belle Burns

The Amnesiac Files:

July 13, 2011

Entry #22

Dear Journal,

I am a bit of a loss right now. It’s like a portion of my heart has been taken away from me while I can still remember. It’s so unfair. Why can’t the mind and the heart work together? Is it because they are two different parts of the body? Don’t they share a common purpose?

They say that our brain controls our body. It keeps the heart, stomach, lungs, kidneys and other vital organs working. The information collected by the senses is processed by the different parts of the brain. Some is discarded, some is stored, and some is reacted at once, with message being sent from the brain to the muscles and glands.

The brain is very important because it gives us our sense of who we are. Memories of the past are stored in the brain and everything we think, feel and do is controlled by the brain. (Info from Biggest Ever Book of Questions & Answers by WS Pacific Publications Inc.)

So... does that mean the brain is in control of the heart too?

I love Ivan Patricks. But I was afraid that failure to remembering him every day would result to losing him. I’m afraid that one day he’d wake up and realize that he is tired of me and then he leaves.

The brain is one chest box that could store memories. But mine is one open casket ready to be scavenged in every minute. I cannot keep any treasure. I feel like I am being robbed of them by brain pirates every single minute. If I could just stop and freeze even just one moment. Just once and feel what it is like to really remember.

I don’t ever want to forget about Ivan. Of all people, of all things in the world, he is the one I want to always remember.

There is something in him that makes me want to stay no matter how hard or bad it is...

Sometimes when you love someone, you tend to over think of things and put meaning on every single move they make. You over look their flaws and try to pick out their good qualities instead of the bad. I think my dad was right about me being insane. It wasn’t Ivan, it was me. But I think that’s just it. When you do love someone everything about them becomes beautiful to you no matter how bad they seem and you just learn to accept them no matter their imperfections. So no matter what other people say, you’ll always be a thick skulled skeleton, you’ll always have a good opinion of them. Just knowing them you automatically think they will always be the best of who they are out of everything.

It saddens me that I have to leave him. But if I stay, I would torment him for the rest of his life and I don’t want that kind of life for him. I care about him more than anything else that’s why I’m leaving him.

I realize that trying to forget someone you love is harder than trying to remember someone you never met. But sometimes you also have to be selfish and forget what you feel and remember what you deserve. Forget what’s gone, appreciate what still remains and look forward to what’s coming next.

For the first time in my life, I really wanted to forget. But my mind is being unfair to me and it won’t let me forget. Consciously, I feel the pain reach my heart.

I am looking out the window right now, searching for stars. But tonight, they don’t shine like they used to.

Tam x

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