The Savage

Ten

The rocking, swaying motion finally opened my eyes, and blinking, I looked around. The earth was not how I'd left it, and it took a moment for me to realize I was on the pinto, Frank behind me, his arm around my shoulders to hold me in place. He knew I'd woken but didn't move his arm, and I didn't ask him to. Our home came into sight, a beacon of light in the distance. Mamma must have been watching for us, and when Frank stopped the pony in the yard the door opened. Her face eased from tight worry to silent acceptance. She'd seen my hair, or what was left of it. Holding her arms out, she spoke softly.

"Come. I've kept supper for us."

"Mamma..." her arms felt good, but I squirmed until she put my feet on the ground. I wasn't a little girl anymore. "I am not hungry."

"But Jaynie-!"

"Leave her be, Jenny." Frank slipped off the pinto, giving her cheek a quick kiss. "She'll eat when she's ready. Butterfly had a long day."

"Oh alright," her hand touched my locks, gently fondling the jagged cut. "But you'll let me even up your hair, won't you?"

"Yes Mamma, but...not tonight?" Looking up into her eyes, I felt old, older than the mountains and hills. The world did not seem the same as it had yesterday, but I knew that it was me that changed, and things would never be the same again. "Can I just go to bed?"

"If you're certain. We'll talk tomorrow." She bent, kissing my cheeks several times before watching me walk into the cabin. Behind the closed door, I heard Frank's deep voice, assuring my mother I was fine and that it had been a good ceremony, but tiring. Rubbing my eyes, I ran my fingers through my sheared mane, feeling the difference in the shorter cut. It would take time to have its raven length back, but by then my heart would stop bleeding and I would be whole once more. Climbing up to my bed, I collapsed onto the pallet, my eyes barley closed before I fell asleep again.

Frying bacon, hot biscuits and fresh coffee woke me up. Without rising, I peeked over the edge of the loft, watching Mamma move around the kitchen, humming. She looked so happy, so beautiful, it made my heart ache. If only she could have been happy with my father-! But I shook my head fiercely, trying not to give into the temptation to blame her. Frank appeared from below me, his shirt unbuttoned, and wiping white lather off his chin. It still amused me that white men had to do such a thing. As if feeling my gaze, he glanced up, and flashed a wink at me.

"Mornin' Butterfly."

"Father." It was a whispered word, but I saw the slight change in his eyes, the surprise. For a moment our gazes held, a brief acknowledgment of our new roles.

"Hungry?"

"Yes."

"Wash up and get dressed, we'll eat together."

Breakfast was a quiet affair, as no one felt like speaking, lost to our own thoughts and feelings. I helped Mamma clear the table, then she sat me down, brought out her scissors and clipped the rough edges smooth. I didn't want to see the end result, so she let me go. Outside, the sunlight was cheery and bright, the air warm, pleasant, a promise of summer. Frank was walking toward the barn, and saw me.

"Whatcha up to today girl?"

"I have my chores,"

"And after?"

"I- I'd like to go see Nettie." The words surprised me, but being my only friend, I had the desire to see her, to speak my heart to her.

"Nettie?" Frank's brow furrowed. "Who's Nettie?"

That stopped me. The colored girl had been a part of my world for a few weeks now, yet I had not shared her with my family, had not even spoken of her. It saddened me that I was so closed off, so unwilling to speak of my actions and thoughts that I'd hidden my friend. Ashamed, I scrunched up my nose, pulling at the short hair clipped around my forehead.