The Savage

Thirty

Summer thunder clouds gathered overhead, swallowing the moon and stars driving the prairie into complete darkness. Jagged streaks of lightning flashed in white slashes, followed by rumbling thunder that shook the earth. The wind picked up force, driving everything along before it, howling through the tall grass. My long hair whipped in black curtains around my face, blinding me, getting tangled around my ears and neck. The mare stopped, her tail instinctively to the wind as she prepared to wait out the storm but I urged her on. We could not stay in the open, but she would not be moved.

Sliding from her back, I took the rifle and slapped her haunches, sending her trotting reluctantly ahead of me. A violent crack of thunder followed half a dozen strikes and the horse jumped, shying away before bolting for home. She was soon lost to the darkness of the storm and dancing shadows from the inky black clouds. Buffeted by the winds, I stood calmly, my eyes closed, listening to the mighty roar of the thunder as it voiced its strength directly above me. Vibrations shook through my body, buzzing with the unbridled energy of the storm all around. Dropping the rifle from my hands I folded my legs and sank to the earth, sitting unprotected in the raging tempest.

Alone, abandoned, with nothing and no one to distract me, my thoughts began to flow in an unbroken line. How many times had I been told to choose the life I wanted, and then I would know peace? It had never made sense to me, and I'd walked with a foot in each world, treading an uneven line that led me along a trail to misery and trouble. I'd lived as a Lakota woman among a town of whites, and had walked a path of strife and loneliness, was there another way? Silent tears formed beneath my lids, whipped painfully from my eyes by the raging winds.

"Papa..." it was ripped from my lips, the name swallowed by the storm. "Papa help me."

'Why are you afraid, Little Butterfly?' the memory of his voice surfaced in my mind. I recalled clinging to him as the lodge we lived in trembled from the force of the gale.

'The storm,' I'd whispered, afraid. 'It's so loud.'

'We have nothing to fear, child,' his hand had caressed my back, soothing. 'I am at your side, just as you are at mine.'

'Are you afraid too?'

'Not this time," I had heard the smile in his voice, the love he felt for me. 'I protect you, as you do me, as our people protect one another. Sometimes we are there simply to guard against shadows that carry no real threat.'

'I love you Papa.'

'I love you too, Little Butterfly, and I will always be with you, watching over you.'

'Always?'

'Always.'

I recalled feeling so safe, knowing that Napayshni was with me, his might, strength, and wisdom by my side. I'd fallen asleep in his arms. When had I felt like that since? Had I ever- My eyes snapped open as I stared into the eye of the raging storm. I had felt that way...in Frank's arms! Hadn't he loved me, comforted me, guided and protected me since I was a child whether I wanted him to or not? Napayshni had never left me after all, he'd simply reappeared in another form. Suddenly realizing I'd never lost him made hope burst forth inside me, everything I'd been feeling falling clearly into place. That included Wind Runner.

Wind Runner meant more to me than my past life with my father, he somehow brought my best traits into focus, loving and accepting me as I was. Yet that was not enough to complete me...I also needed my family, those that had seen my worst, and still loved me. Isn't that what I'd wanted all along? If I had courage, I could find my way, I could walk the path my father had laid out for me, but I would need more than courage, I would need acceptance, patience, and trust. What I needed now was a chance for forgiveness.