Refound Love (YTSTMB sequel)

Part eleven

PJ P.O.V.

I went back to the table some minutes later, smiling at my friends when I sat down, letting the eye contact with Dan linger just that tiny bit longer before he looked away down at the table with this arms folded, a great flare of scarlet red spreading across his cheeks.

"Sorry I was gone a while, there was queue," I told Chris, my fingers dragging themselves down his forearm until they found his hand entwined his with mine.

"It's okay," he shrugged, but looked over at Dan nervously. I felt a weird sense of achivement that Dan had retreated into his shy, quiet self but brushed off the guilt that told me I was just starting to send him into a downward spiral and hoped I wouldn't be dragged down myself.

* * *

I couldn't sleep that night. I felt drowsy, but my mind kept at work, just thoughts and questions spinning round and round and round. When the sun began to rise, I ran my fingers through Chris's hair once more before prising myself away, walking into the lounge.

I decided to busy myself with music hoping it would chase the restless thoughts away and picked up my guitar that leaned against one of the walls and sat cross-legged on the sofa, tuning it first before playing.

The rising sun was my only audience as I practised a new cover song I hadn't yet polished to try and be somewhat productive, but after an hour I became tired and sloppy and sighed, putting my head in my hands.

"Peej?" A croaky voice emerged from our room and Chris came shuffling out, rubbing his eyes.

"Why are you up this early?" I asked, putting my guitar down so Chris could sit down beside me.

"I heard you playing."

"Sorry, I was trying to be quiet," my heart melted when he smiled sleepily. I loved him, I really did.

"It's a weird time to practice a song."

"I couldn't sleep," I put my arm around him and rested my head on his shoulder, my eyes drooping. 

"Do you think you could now?" 

"Yeah." 

"I'll get you blanket, lift your head up for me for me sweet," I leaned back into the sofa and heard Chris' footsteps die away and then come back to life again, feeling him drop down onto the sofa next me. "Lie down Peej," I lay down on my side and he put his hands on the side of my head and guided it onto his lap, then threw the blanket over me. 

"Thank you," I mumbled, sleep clouding over. 

"Shh, just go to sleep, you need it," he started to run his hand through my hair, being careful with the knots so he wouldn't hurt me. 

"I love you, Chris," what I had done with Dan in the bathroom had only sunk in and I was beginning to feel awful. It was all I had thought about since we got back home, I kept remembering how he looked pressed up against the wall with his eyes wide and pleading, but his hands told a different story when they took their place on my cheeks. 

The kiss reminded me of what I used to want when I was so in love with him and how I would've done anything to call him mine, but it also reminded me of how he hurt me and shattered my heart in the process. 

I was over it, just about, but the memory made my mended heart ache faintly again and I made a mental note to remember that I shouldn't be feeling guilty, because this was payback and as long as I screwed Dan over and Chris didn't find out about it, everything was going to be fine.