Refound Love (YTSTMB sequel)

Part twenty-seven

Chris P.O.V.

I zipped up my bag and picked up my phone, tapping out a message.

Can I come stay with you for a couple of days?

I wouldn't be travelling far if I was granted permission to spend some nights with the chosen friend I had asked, but I went the kitchen anyway in hopes to eat something before I left.

I heard the bed in PJ's room squeak and my appetite diminished, because he was probably expecting me to still be laying in his arms when he woke up and not to be there alone with me ready to go and a bag packed. I hoped that I would be gone before he arose so that I would just have to leave a note and not face him but now I felt sick about how he would react and what I would say.

I peered around the door and watched him go over to my bag and tenderly run a finger down the closed zip. I heard a tiny sigh but he didn't try and find me straight away like I thought he would but instead scratched the back of his neck and stayed staring at it like he was contemplating what to do, whether he should stop me or persuade me to stay or let me go freely.

I wasn't really sure what I wanted him to do. I wanted to go without an argument, but at the same time I wanted PJ to resist and fight for me not to leave so I knew he cared.

He spun around and I jumped at his sudden movement and opened a cupboard, pretending to look inside of it so it looked like I hadn't noticed he was out of bed yet. He came into the kitchen and I froze, and my reaction to this was ridiculous because I hadn't done anything wrong or had anything to hide and yet felt like I should've been ashamed for looking after myself and taking a break. Maybe I felt like I shouldn't be going away because it wasn't going to be expected the morning after. Last night after our argument, yes, but not now when the night before I had pathetically crawled back into bed with him even though I tried to make a stand.

"Chris? What are you doing?" PJ asked warily.

"I'm just going away for a few days, I need to get my head straight," I faced him and leaned against the side, crossing my arms.

"Can't you get your head straight here?"

"No! I need to breathe, I need some time and space to think about what's happened and what's going to happen to us. I need to get away, everything here just reminds me of you!"

I looked at him and watched him bite his lip worriedly and I almost felt bad for shouting him but I could see his manipulative and lying side, and yet underneath that I could still see him as loving and caring and playful and imaginative and everything else that I fell in love with him for and somehow, I could see some of his innocence. I still loved him despite everything he had done and put me through, and I hated it.

"Sorry, uh, there was no need for me to shout."

"Forget about it," he said, waving his hand dismissively.

"I just need to get away for a while."

"I understand."

"You're not going to stop me?" I asked without thinking.

"Not unless you want me to. I don't have a right to try and keep you here."

I couldn't help but feel disappointed and slightly let down when he wasn't going to try, but in a way it was good because it would've only made it all harder if he fought back. He must've seen my face fall a little because he piped up again.

"I don't want you to go, Chris, but if it's easier for you to go elsewhere... then you should. I don't want to make this any more difficult for you than it already is."