Home is Where You Are

Chapter 18

I can't.

I'm struggling to hold onto my last shred of sanity.

But Liam left that night, five months ago. I'm a college graduate.

I haven't heard from him.

His family hasn't heard from him.

I have nightmares every night that he's dead.

He left me.

His birthday came and passed. I tried calling him but the phone said his number is either unavailable or disconnected.

I leave my house to work. I blow off every family function, and I've stopped picking up the phone.

I'm listening to music, trying to calm myself.

I can't.

This fucking song.

I try to pretend that I'm fine.

That I'm not sad. That I'm okay.

But I'm not.

I watched him walk onto that fucking plane.

I made out with him in the airport before he left.

He promised me he'd see me June 4th.

It's July 7th.

My twenty third birthday came and passed.

I hear a loud knock on my door.

I shut off the stupid song and take a deep breath, ripping the door open.

I've avoided his family.

I've avoided my own family.

But when I see his parents, and Zeke, I take a deep breath.

He looks so much like them.

When I look at Zeke, I see Liam.

When I look at Mr. Ashton, I see Liam, and when I look at Mrs. Ashton, I see Liam.

"Hi sweetheart." Mrs. Ashton smiles with tears in her eyes.

We all were in a group chat a few weeks ago and we all agreed that the plane probably crashed.

Liam would never ignore us.

He promised me that he would call me when he got off the plane.

Silently, I step aside to let them in my house.

I've fallen.

I've fallen so far, and this time, Liam isn't here to catch me.

I know they're here to check on me.

But my house is a mess, clothes are all over the place, bowls, cups, tissues.

So many tissues.

I don't sleep in my bed. I have really, really bad insomnia now.

I try to avoid sleeping at all costs, because if I sleep, I dream, and the dream turns to a nightmare.

"Sorry it's messy." I mutter, avoiding looking them in the eye.

"It's okay." Mr. Ashton says.

It's quiet.

Nobody speaks.

The only sound is the AC kicking on.

I want to be alone.

I want to kill myself.