Coffee Stains - Tronnor

Blue.

I'm awake. More awake than I have been in this week, these past few weeks, these past few months. Lights are blinding though the light of the sun is angled perfectly upon these white sheets, just to miss my eyes though to give my body the right amount of warmth. These sheets, tangled around my feet, my arms, my waist where his arms once lay. Though he was always an early riser.

It was always something about the morning, something about the buzz of the beginning of the day, a new adventure that always seemed to captivate him. He never let me sleep in, for he feared that I too would miss these moments that entertained him. Although I never minded. For waking up in the morning and seeing his bright smile whilst his eyes layed upon every inch of my body could never make me feel anything but joy. If I had to describe him in one word I would simply say 'Joy' for that is what he gives me. Whether he knows of the secret feelings and genuine heartfelt love that I feel for him, I know that he will always understand the amount of joy he brings to me.

His eyes are green though they always end with a light shimmer of lime whenever he leans over the cup, jug in hand creating his masterpiece. He always created things that understood him, that made life easier for him and as he stands, coffee held in his hands, head thrown back with small chuckles because his heart is warm and his imagination is vivid, I begin to construct and understand the ideas that lay among his brain. His hand drags slowly against mine, on accident though still warming my heart. For he never gave me the right amount of time to love him. His hair flops to one side as he begins to speak for he is terrified to say the wrong thing though he is casual enough to manipulate the small pieces of my heart.

"Did you sleep well?', He speaks even though he already knows the answer. He knows I spent the night shuffling, fidgeting, crying, until his arms lay softly upon my waist and pulled me delicately into his chest. Though even the mention of last nights endeavours makes my cheeks blush tomato red.

" Well enough. Thank you, for everything", A small chuckle escapes from my lips as I speak.

" Don't mention it, anytime you need help you've got me alright?", He speaks though his eyes begin to shimmer. He seems genuine though I know he has spoken the very same words to someone else, his someone. Though the comment warms my heart, much as he does.

Connor was never fond of me in the same way that I loved him. He never knew of anything that was said, that was felt ever about him though the way that he looked at Sammy always reminded me that he never would return the feelings.

Sammy was perfect, a perfect match for Connor. They had met in a casual way, a simple photograph. Sammy had stepped into the frame just at the right moment when Connor touched the button on his small iphone, freezing the moment in time. His hair fell directly upon his forehead, his eyes being sheltered. They were blue, electric. Camaflouged with the brightness of the sky as the trees fell directly out of shot. I fell in love with the photo as quickly as Connor fell for Sammy. There was something about him, the way the light shone upon his face that day that made Connor understand every perfect thing about him.

They fell in love, several months past and I moved out whilst Sammy moved in. In come the night terrors and out went soft snuggles with Connor. Out went the genuine thoughts and feelings that I thought, thinking he might just like me back and in came the heartfelt pain directed towards Connor and everything that made him.

In came Sammy and I was left, forgotten.

Though Connor came back, recently. Said he had 'needed some time with his best friend'. I knew that he just needed to know I was okay before he left, before he made his way back home and left me. He would return calls, only after they were missed though he was still my best friend and nothing was going to change that.

-------------------------

" Another Coffee and one more episode?", Connor speaks, moving the blanket loosly around his waist.

" Yeah, I could go for another one", I say adjusting the blanket to be tighter around me as he got up.

We had been laying there all afternoon, watching stupid re-runs of freaks and geeks. A million episodes we had all seen before though somehow they made this situation more perfect. Snuggling up with Connor, getting to smell the perfect scent of his cologne.

Of course it didn't mean anything, it never did. We always had been this way, close, too close for comfort. Though I wouldn't change a thing about it.

Connor returns moments later, setting the coffee down on the small table before us. He smiles nervously as he does it, almost afraid to drop the cup. This boy couldn't get more gorgeous. He slowly moves over me before settling at my side, arms draping over my waist.

" You know that song you wrote last month?", He asks, his fingers tracing small circles upon my hips, tickling my skin.

" Ease?", I reply, a small smile appearing upon my lips.

" Yeah, Ease. Well I want to know, who inspired you to write that song, what inspired you?

"Everything, this, you. It is supposed to sum up the missing pieces of me, you know? I'm so afraid of life being like this. It's so terrifying, the whole youtube thing. I can't go anywhere without knowing that at least one person will know who I am and it is daunting. It is the best thing though I just feel so alone, I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my best friend, you. I just crave those moments where someone allows me to tell them everything, to allow me to just open up and just cry you know? Those people who make you happy? I just need that constantly in my life and to be declined of that in those moments when I am most terrified, is completely terrifying to me", I've moved to look at him, facing towards him. I can feel his breath upon my face, the small looks he gives me become more evident, more realistic.

"Wow! I just wanna apologise you know? I'm scared that I am slowly losing you as my best friend. I'm sorry about Sammy but I love him to pieces Troye, God he is gorgeous and the way he looks at me", He trails off slowly, shuffling. " Sorry. I just want to know how you feel about this because I feel like I've left you hanging, left you on some sort of hook and I don't want to make you feel like that. I mean you moved out, you've become so distant. I don't want to lose my best friend",

" We're cuddling on your couch Connor, I don't think we're so distant. Look, i'm hurt, I'm going to be but hearing you care and will continue to matters, seeing you happy matters. Look, fuck, I love you Connor. You're my best friend, I don't want to lose you either", I snuggle softly into his neck, just simply embracing him.

" Troye, do you love me as much as you love nutella",

"Almost".

And that's where we remain, snuggled up. For in his arms I feel the most happiest and somehow that is enough for me.

---------------------------- 

SO that was the first chapter! 

Let me know what you think. 

Song: Current Mood.