Fixing The Scatter [boyxboy]

Fixing The Scatter {19}

I went into my house, going into the kitchen. My parents were there, talking with each other, mom sipping on coffee and dad snacking on grapes.

"Welcome home Jude!" dad said with a smile. "How was school?"

"It was fine," I said, leaning against the counter. I needed my mom to leave so I could talk to my dad. Actually, it would probably be better if we talked in my room so that she couldn't eavesdrop. "Dad, can I talk to you upstairs?"

"Sure," he said.

"Judeikas, I'm monitoring your math grades online. One more low grade and I'm grounding you and calling in a math tutor," mom said, back to her bitchy self. Moments where she hugged me and verbally told me she loved me were so rare that I was surprised she'd even done it.

"Tatiana, his grades are fine!" dad said. He put his hand on my shoulder and guided me towards the hallway. "Come on, Jude. Let's go talk."

We went upstairs and into my room. I shut the door as dad took a seat at my desk. I sat on my bed and forced myself to lower my guards; to become my father's young son, instead of the man who manipulated him.

"Dad, did you ever love anyone before you met mom?" I asked.

He sighed and shook his head. "No. I thought I did, back in high school. But then I realized that I didn't really love that girl. Your mom, she's not the first person I said 'I love you' too, but she's the only one I ever truly meant it." He blushed a little. "Romantically, of course! I love my family and you."

I looked at my father. Looked at the man who had done nothing but love me and support me and try to understand me, ever since I was born. He wouldn't mock me or laugh or think I was weak. He would help me. I just had to ask for his help.

"I don't know how to get over Gideon." The words reluctantly spilled from my mouth, and I looked away from dad as I spoke.

Dad tilted my head so that I was looking at him. He pulled me into his arms, arms much more familiar to me than my mother's arms. I didn't have the urge to push him away like I did with my mother. I wasn't shocked or unsure of what to do. I just hugged him back, because he would never judge my weakness.

"I know it's been hard on you. You've been different since the breakup," he said, hugging me close, a man who had grown up without a father to comfort him. "I know it's hard, Jude. But you're a strong boy. You'll slowly move on. You have to try to move on, and you have to try not to feel guilty about it. You deserve to move on. You and Gideon both deserve to find happiness, even if it's not with each other."

The phone rang and dad slowly pulled away from me. He smiled at me, reaching out and squeezing my shoulder.

"You deserve to be happy, Judeikas," he said.

A sudden terror shot through me, chilling me to the core. What if my father ever found out that I wasn't the son he thought I was? What if, like Gideon, he learned the truth and rejected me? He'd be heartbroken. He'd hate me. I didn't want that. I didn't want to hurt my father. I didn't want him to ever hate me.

"Thanks dad," I said, forcing myself to sound casual.

"I love you, Jude," he said.

I feared that a day would come when he was too ashamed of me to ever say those words again.

"I love you too, dad," I said.