I Know You, Lou // l.s.

36.

I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY BUT THAT I'M VERY VERY SORRY

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Harry and Louis found themselves on a train yet again, this time travelling from London up to Doncaster to see Louis' family, before they'd head back to their own houses for a while until uni started again.

Second year. Harry was nervous. His first year had been eventful enough, he didn't know if he could take another year filled with heartache as well as trying not to fail.

No one else was seated in their compartment, leaving the two of them secluded enough for some much needed alone time. Louis seemed to be back to normal, whatever his 'normal' was, Harry didn't know. But at least he wasn't being cold.

It was nice, but Harry couldn't shake the feeling that Louis was different with him in public than he was when they were by themselves. Their current situation was a prime example of that. There were no people in sight, therefore Louis was being affectionate.

"Hey, Harry, love?" Louis asked, coy. He traced a pattern on Harry's bicep, but the younger boy didn't budge. He sunk down in his seat a little and rolled his head sideways to look at him. It briefly crossed his mind if he was doing the right thing. He'd been down that road before, trusting someone only to have his heart broken. He didn't know if he could survive it. Even if Louis was his perfect match. The most amazing human being in the world. His soulmate. Maybe even soulmates weren't meant to last.

He flashed Louis a small smile, before looking back to his book, trying to become as involved in the story as he could with Louis' half on his lap. The older boy tucked their ankles together and made a small noise of disapproval at having lost Harry's attention.

"Yeah, Lou?" Harry breathed, eyes glued to the page he'd read over 5 times, not a word sinking in no matter how many times his eyes skimmed over it. He didn't want to break. Because if he indulged himself while they were alone, it only hurt more when he was rejected the moment they stepped back into the real world.

"You nervous?" Louis asked, leaning his head on Harry's shoulder as he gingerly tucked a curl behind his boyfriend's ear. "You don't seem yourself, H."

"M'Fine." Harry mumbled, turning the page despite having no idea what he'd even read.

"Sure?" Louis asked, and Harry held back a huff. He wasn't angry, per say, he was just annoyed. He felt like the reason Louis was pulling away from him in public, was because he wasn't good enough for him. Like maybe, Louis was embarrassed. It wasn't the first time Harry had been tossed to the curb for being an embarrassment.

When they got to Doncaster, he'd speak to him about it. He would.

For now, he was perfectly happy with giving Louis a taste of his own medicine. He was allowed. Louis had done the same to him.

"I'm f-fine, Lou." Harry said, a little softer this time as he finally looked up from his book. Louis' eyes were wide with concern, his fingers gently squeezing his leg in reassurance. Harry's resolution was diminishing. He smiled again and leant forward to place a kiss on Louis' forehead, unable to resist showing a little emotion. He was only human.

Louis smiled and leaned closer, hooking his chin over Harry's shoulder so he could read along. Soon, he got bored.

"My mum is excited to see you again." Louis said softly, trying to elicit something from his boyfriend.

"Me t-too." Harry mumbled, flashing him a small smile before going back to his reading.

It was then that Louis decided to stop bothering him. He could clearly see that something was upsetting Harry, and if he didn't want to push it any further, then Louis wasn't going to make him. They'd speak when Harry was ready. Until then, Louis was just going to have to try and bite his tongue as to not make Harry even more upset.