Unfaithful

The Last Fight

You know the feeling of giving up? The sensation that you feel when you are feeling nothing anymore, when the only thing that came up to your mind is giving up? Because for once, all you think about is to stop fighting, because you are too tired to keep standing, because all you see is a dead end? This may sound depressing, but if you're like me, who've been dealing with depression all the time, you will feel a trigger to give up, to just lay down all your worth and just stop fighting.

It may seem like what a loser would say. Giving up before the time has come. But when exactly is the time? When would it be for you to declare that you lost the last fight? When will the ringmaster announce that life won over you? At times, you have to declare your own last fight. To know when the final ring out is there to tell you to rest forever and relax. It's your body's own way to tell you that you've had enough, and it wants to have a rest.

It's not easy to cope with depression. You can tell me to keep fighting. You can tell me to keep my head up at all times, you can tell me that everything's gonna be okay. But no. You don't understand. You cannot tell yourself that you can be 'in my shoes', that you understand how I feel. You don't have suicidal tendencies. You don't have slits across your wrists. You didn't try to jump in front of a moving car. You never tried to drink bleach. You never had that urge to take an iron brand and scar your face to the word 'LOSER'

You can tell me, depression is just a state of mind. That it will pass eventually. That time can heal everything. When in truth, you don't know. You never knew. Don't pretend that you know. Don't tell me it's gonna be alright. Because it won't. Don't tell me to mingle around because I told you I am an introvert. Don't tell me to eat up because I tell you that I am anorexic. Don't tell me to sit still when I told you I have ADHD. Don't tell me to keep a level head when I'm in one of my anxiety attacks.

And you claim that you know how it feels going through depression. No. You don't. When I'm depressed, just listen. Only listen. Don't tell me it's going to be alright. Don't tell me the pain will just go away. Don't tell me that time heals. Just listen.

And the time will come, when I decide that I'm fighting my last fight. And after that, if I lost, then I lost.