Unfaithful

Complex

I laughed along when people laugh around me. I joke around, I made sarcastic remarks, I did all I could to see the people around me to at least smile. I had always loved to see the smile that people gave, their laugh and guffaws when I made a joke. It's a small pleasure, seeing other people smile, seeing the crinkles that came on the sides of their eyes.

And I do understand how certain people faked happiness in order to make the people around him/her feel at ease. I understand how it feels when you have to have multiple personalities just to conform to your surroundings. I get it. I know how sometimes we make a fool out of ourselves just to see people entertained.

But I know. We did that because we want to take our mind of things. Fake it till you make it, they say. Being forced to do something for a prolonged period, and you will grow into it in due time. At least, that is how it's supposed to work. In Malay, it's kind of like terpaksa rela.

It's just that, sometimes, I'm tired of wearing this kind of mask. It's suffocating, in a way, trying to be someone that you're not because of other people's sake. That is where the term don't judge a book by its cover comes in. A happy bubble might have a dark needle inside. You never know, how we hid our insecurities behind closed doors, and instead adapted into a persona that is just for the convenience of the people around us.

I'm sorry for the long post. I'm tired. That's all.