Always (Seailey + Gati )

The Difference.

.B a i l e y.

"Tati!"

My head whips around at the sound of Sean voice, and I catch a glimpse of Tati running out of the studio. Without hesitation, I follow her, panic spreading through my limbs, pushing me to move faster. I turn the corner and see her push her way through the front doors of the building.

Sean sounded so worried when he screamed her name. What happened? Why is she running? I reach the doors and suddenly, Gabe is next to me, pushing the door next to me open at the same time.

We stand outside, the brisk night air creating small bumps in my skin. I look around and I see Tati. She's sitting against a wall, partially hidden by some tree and bushes. I start walking towards her and when Gabe follows I put my hand out to stop him. She doesn't alway react well to Gabe.

I sit down slowly next to her and she looks up at me with tear filled eyes and hesitates before leaning into me. I immediately wrap my arms around her and rub her shoulder soothingly.

"Shhhhh it's okay," I comfort and she shakes her head.

"Its...not," she sobs.

"What's wrong?" I ask and she buries her face into my shirt. The sound of her voice is muffled by the fabric when she tries to speak I pull her off of me and look at her.

There are still tear spilling out of her eyes, coating her red and blotchy cheeks with a wet layer. I pull at the sleeves of Gabe's shirt and wipe he face the best I can; waiting for her to calm down before I ask again.

"What's wrong," I ask, making my voice as soft as possible.

"I'm a fucking idiot!" The force in which she says it catches me off guard and I just stare at her wide eyed.

---
. T a t i .

Bailey is looking at me like she doesn't understand, and I don't know what to do. It's not like they were subtle. I pull my hands away from her and fold them into my lap. I'm supposed to be mad right now, but all I want Bailey to do is comfort me and buy my food like she always does when I'm sad. Or at least hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay.

Bailey grabs my hands and holds it softly. She stares at me with concern and confusion. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Gabe! I saw him kiss you and you guys looks so perfect. And I'm happy for you! I am! I just- I."

Tears are stinging at my eyes again and tilt my head back trying to fight them, but it's not working. Bailey's completely silent next to me, probably feeling like shit and that's not what I wanted. I didn't want her to feel bad for being with Gabe. She just needs to be happy. I take a chance and look at her. Her face looks grave, almost like she's-

"Tatiana"

Yup. Angry. She looks offended and exasperated, like this is a conversation she's tired of having.

"Please don't tell me you think I'm dating Gabe."

"Bailey, I don't know what to think," I reply honestly and she closes her eyes, trying to regain her composure.

"Tati. I love you. You and Gabe are my best friends and I want you to be happy. I would never...." She pauses for a moment and looks me straight in the eye, "I could never be with Gabe knowing how you feel about him. After everything you two have been through."

"But you guys just...loo-"

"Yes, okay we're close," she interrupts, "We have scheduled hangouts and hold hands and hug. But you know what. Anything more than what we have now? Feels wrong. It feels like we're crossing a line."

She gives me a look like there's more to it, like she's trying to tell me what happened when they left the school. And I know if I asked her to say it out loud, she would, but I think I understand.

"He loves you," she continues, "Even after everything he still wants you. Only you"

"Why would he want ME if he can have YOU," I start crying again. Frustration bubbling inside of me. She grabs my face and makes me look at her again. The fabric of the shirt soaking up my tears.

"The difference between Gabe and I and You and Gabe, is that we tried it."

I try to look away, because I don't want to know. They've always been perfect for each other. What happened between them can stay between them. She holds my face steady and looks me in the eyes, like she's going to tell me no matter what.

"Tati," Bailey continue, "get out of your head. We kissed yesterday. Yes. On the lips. And that was it. That's was enough. Trust me. I will not be kissing Gabe like that anytime soon. It was gross"

A small part of me wants to laugh because that's so Bailey and a another larger part of me is jealous. They tried and no it doesn't work, but at least they tried. I'm just living in a world where it doesn't

"Maybe it's time you stopped running Tati," she offers.

"I don't know Bailey. I don't think I'm ready"

"No," she says softly, "You're scared, and you're making excuses. It's time to actually TRY."

She shifts to the side and turns around. Standing at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the dance studio, is Gabe, awkwardly waiting for a sign. Bailey beckons him and turns back towards me a small smile pulling at her lips. She grabs my hands and takes a deep breath.

"You got this," she says, "Just tell him how you feel and don't hold back."

She leans forward and places a kiss on my forehead; similar to how Gabe kissed hers before. Instead this time, she cups my face, like a mom would when she's saying something really important to her child.

"You deserve him."

As Gabe gets closer, Bailey stands and walks towards him. They meet halfway and she must have said something to him because he nods and take a deep breath, before taking the last few step to be next to me. He sits down in the spot that Bailey previously occupied next to me, the skin of our arms a hairs width away. I can feel the heat of his body on mine and my heart starts to beat out of control, echoing in my mind. 

Okay Tatiana, you got this. Just speak your mind. I shift through my thoughts, trying to find the right thing to say, but everything is jumbled and morphed in there, nothing sounds right. It's all desperate sounding; all pathetic. I need something that will tell him exactly how I feel. After years, I need him to know. I turn my head and he mirrors my movements, our eyes meeting.

I almost lose my resolve at the sight of him. There something so warm about his appearance. The way that he looks at you like you're everything and more. It kills me inside. A soft smile curves his lips, it's almost apologetic. And that kills me too. I should be the one apologizing.

He lets out a shakey breath and I take one in, gathering it in my chest. It's now or never. I open my mouth and no words come out. He looks at me, worried and I close my eyes, trying again.

"I hate you"

---

. A u t h o r s. N o t e .

This is chapter was giving me heartburn omg it was so hard to write. I knew what I wanted, but I didn't know how to say it.