Letters from Anandashram - 1993 to 1994

1a Possessions & Contradictions - Jan 1994

5 January 1994

Anandashram

I am happy that you are sharing the Discourse notes and activities of the Avatar to the Bhajan group (from my letters). Why just keep them to ourselves? When  I was so busy with Venkamma, I could hardly notice all the things He does. But truly, in Darshan itself, if one is aware and observes, He does so many small things full of meaning and delight also. So many devotees just think, "Darshan as usual" and run back to their rooms to cook. But even small acts have such deep significance and can teach us so much, if only we are alert to see them and then put into practice the lessons He teaches. We should not forego such precious opportunity! In this respect, many times people living away from the Presence have more benefit.

I am sorry that J is again troubling you. It is sad - if only we could be open and learn from our experiences, we could progress and be happier. I guess she just has to live out all the experiences. We can only pray that someday she will look back and reflect, and decide to change. Then the change will come and all will be more peaceful. However, karma also plays a part. And, even if she can't change, at least we can learn from experiences with her.

Swami said, after the "Event," "Everything happens for our own good. We are careless in many ways. Troubles like this teach us how to be more careful." Reflection is a great thing, it can show us deep lessons. Actually everything that happens is meant to help us progress on the Spiritual Path. If we take what happens in the right way, we can learn and progress. Otherwise, the test is failed and we can't take advantage of the help from God.

(6 January) About the Darshan letters, I just remembered a dream I had long ago. I looked it up in the Dream book: 8 June 1985 "Sharing Sai": Sai was on a large stage, I was right at the bottom of the stage. The family was far off, behind a wall, right out of sight of Sai on the stage. Swami was giving long looks and attention. I was writing it all to the family. Swami gave an especially sweet smile and expression; I immediately wrote and sent it to the family. They were all gathered around a small table which was piled high with papers, a disorganized mess." That was the dream.

You are right about me not wanting to keep possessions. So I am returning not only the ones you sent, but also my collection of photos of Sai and me (try to find me in the photos!). I have kept only a few of Swami plus one small one of both of you that you sent awhile back.

Since coming here I have reduced luggage even more. I gave to the Ashram a few festival saris that I don't need, plus a big Ramayana book. I came with a medium-sized bag and a suitcase; now there's only half a suitcase of things. I keep only what I use daily. If I was in a male's body, I would have definitely been a wondering sadhu by now, carrying nothing and giving up all money. The urge to do this is very strong. But, unfortunately my karma is such that I am in this type of body and therefore have to be careful about it and not draw unnecessary attention from others. I will remain a person with a few possessions and a bank account, so I will not be a burden to others and can support myself here. And I will have to stay in Ashrams instead of caves!

Bah! The English language is so absurd - can't we write the way words sound? Instead of English, the world should adopt Sanskrit as the official world language. Everything is spelled exactly as it is pronounced, as all Indian languages are. But you are right when you say that writing letters to you is good practice in retaining literacy in English!

The astrological conference sounded really busy! I'm sorry to hear that the one who was in charge this time, KN Rao, didn't like women to participate. He is only hurting the progress of astrology by doing this. Since we can't do anything about it, we can only go on with our work and be good ourselves. Just because others develop ego doesn't mean we have to follow suit! I agree with you there.

A big part of Prasanthi Nilayam ashram is competition to stay the longest and get the best places for Darshan, and I wasn't interested in joining the fight. I was always only quiet being with Venkamma, although others thought I was using her to stay in PN and they therefore resented me for it. Vidya told me that many thought I would immediately go to the other sister (Parvatamma) after Venkamma died! How  wrong they were! There is so much controversy about me, it is better I stay away for now.

Talk of possessions and contradictions, I've been reading "Gospel of Swami Ramdas". At one place he says, "Those who think only of God and dedicate all to Him, do everything in a neat and organized way, perfectly." Then another place he talks of entering a sadhu's messy cave, filled with trash and he says, "I could tell he was immersed in the Divine - he paid no attention to things of the world!"

Now the letter is long so I will continue later. I hope you are happy & healthy. All is fine and quiet here!

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya