Smile The Pain Away...

Chapter 7 : On The Bright Side

Eliza POV

* one month later *

I haven’t had a good night of sleep since the day before the incident. That was a month ago. I can’t think straight , I get nightmares of Jesse coming back. And my mother getting back with him.. I cry, scream ,toss and turn every night since I came from the hospital. My dad camped in my room on the floor he was here to protect me , but I really wanted my superhero from this madness.

Chris.

I wanted Chris.  

He comes over before and after school sometimes during lunch to check up on me. I’ve been a nervous wreck. I graduate in 4 months , I need to let this go. Its over. Is it? Really? Just feel free to tell. a lot happened over the weeks, Jesse was locked away from here. But I was still frighten. I was drain , I had heavy bags under my eyes from no sleep. And when I am able to sleep is when im with Chris ; say it I know you do, I do love him , well maybe “love” is a powerful word but I guess you can say im extremely attached to him , in a friendly way and in a more complicated way. He’s the one to keep me from thinking about the negatives and more of the positives.

“Eliza sweetie you need to eat” my mother said , sometimes I can’t look at her , because the man who gave me such a cruel experience for almost five years of my life was her husband. She once or still loves him.

“I’m not hungry.” I said simply staring out the window while I had a cigarette in my hand.

“Eliza what did I tell you about smoking?” she sighed putting whatever she left me to eat on my desk.

“I don’t know what did you say? Wait don’t repeat yourself , I don’t feel like discussing this. You know I smoke from time to time. Just leave me alone..”  I said with a small hint of attitude. I don’t want to see my parents faces will i didn’t mind seeing my fathers but I want to see Chris’s . I put the cigarette between my lips inhaling then departing it from my mouth letting the smoke out. My mom lucky I don’t want to leave the house. Because I need a stronger relief , I need some weed. Like I said smoke different stuff sometimes mostly when I’m confused, stressed. Like I am now. Im confused ; why is my ass still here being scared of the past. I need to move on. But how?

 3 hours later

I was laying in my bed under my thin Dora blanket just laying there , I wanted sleep so bad , even sleeping pills didn’t work I’ll still wake up from nightmares. I laid there confused looking at my nude wall , I heard my door open and close , hearing the foot steps I could tell it was a male.. What if its Jesse? I  panic , he took off his shoes and got in the bed with me , still not looking I smelled the air. It was Chris. “I know your ass up” he whispered . I nodded “I cant sleep without you , you got me out of this madness I need you to be there for me. Protect me..” I whispered low.

“Eliza you need to get over it he’s gone ; he cant get to you okay . How about I take you out tomorrow? Please just leave the house.”  he said . I sighed , “Okay Chris” I could sense he was smiling. “and come to school , I’m getting tired of getting your homework , plus Charlie looks so lonely without you there. Just get over it.”

I can’t “just get over it“, I still need an closure , I need a answer , something , it has to be from Jesse. I need answers on why he did this for 4 ½ years , was there a problem? I seriously regret him as my first. What if I get married and have kids which is a daughter and she asks me how was my first? What am I suppose to say.. But wait what if I can’t have kids anymore.. What if the abortions , miscarriages affect me for the rest of my life. What if I could only do ten kids and some cruel person killed them all.. Why?