Smile The Pain Away...

Chapter 16 : I Wanted This

Eliza

I  departed from the center of attention in a normal fashion as people stare at me in silence. I made it to my seat and sat down in between my father who was still looking down and Chris who was just sitting there looking into space.

Nobody made a single sound. Not a peep was created.

I glanced at my all silver Michael kors watch Charlie's mother brought me a while ago for the time.

10:24 a m.

I let out a small sigh, I locked my phone quickly before grabbing my tiny lace and sheer sweater. I didn't want to come here at all. I would definitely said no if I knew the speech had lies in them, pointless lies like about my father. I couldn't be mad about the part of Jesse and I that people saw verses the side I seen behind closed doors because thats where it stayed. Nobody knew. Until I met Chris.

Maybe if I never interfered with him ill still be that nice and beautiful girl who's shy with a horrible past and getting raped and beat by her stepfather. And somehow  her own mother was behind it.

Great right?

The only thing that would matter would that nobody would know and it'll be behind closed doors, a secret. A painful curse, something nobody will ever think of.  And most importantly i'll still have my mother.  Yeah, i wouldn't knew she was behind the madness but at least i'll still have a ‘Mother’. If I never met Chris, my mother would still be going to work and Jesse would still be rapeing me. Not the best thing in life, but at least there wasn't anybody trying to feel sympathy for me. I hated the attention, any kind of it. I was Afraid..

Ashamed, I let some man take something from me. That was rightfully mines, And let him Repeatedly Abuse my Naive body, never put up for a fight because the the negative and violent words he threw at me hurt me deeply.

Hurt me so much, I started to believe it. Pathetic Isn't it?

The rest of Middle school wasn't great, I stopped talking to people. I was quite, i was known as that depressed Emo chick. I attempt to self harm but i didn't hate myself that much, I still had some type of self respect. My grades were good i stayed at a 4.0 gpa , very likely of myself. School was my escape from real life. When ninth grade rolled around ; I finally decided not be all depressed and the girl who hated her life a tad. I became a liar ; well, i wasn't a liar.. I just simply hid the truth from people who became close enough to see something was wrong.

I also came up with a motto ‘Smile the pain away, because if you smile everybody will think you're perfect’ I was far from perfect. But all smiles hides pain. mines just so happen to some type of illegal crime. Smiling and talking to new people, trying out for new sports to make new friends to hide my life. I fit in great, I just wanted to feel wanted? As time kept going, i was popular, girls hated me at the same time wanted to be me, they just don't know i wish i could be them, being able to go home to a loving family not get beat constantly and raped. Jesse beaten me so bad i was in the hospital, my mother never knew.. She was such an Workaholic. I had to stop all my after school clubs to attend Jesse drunken tasks..