Broken Walls

26. Surrender

  Oh, you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh, you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh, you run away
'Cause I am not what you found
Oh, you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out.

- Andrew Belle.

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Pale purple light streamed through a gap in the curtains as Shawn opened his eyes. The thin beam expanded larger and larger as it meandered across the space, growing so big that by the time it fell upon him, it illuminated the entire bed. The color gave the room a hazy, dreamlike feel, which made Shawn wonder if he actually weren't awake at all. He blinked several times, caught in that just out of sleep state where he didn't quite know where he was, and then reached up to rub his eyes. When he opened them once more, everything appeared the same.

Unfamiliar surroundings took shape in the waning light. Dark, heavy curtains hung over a small, square window. An alarm clock with bright red lights glared out at him from a battered, wooden nightstand. He lay horizontally on a full-sized mattress—his feet nearly dangling off the side—on top of a heavy, dark-colored patchwork quilt. Something small and warm curled up next to him. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but exhaustion had finally taken over. It took him a moment to remember that he was at Lucas's, and that the unmoving figure in his arms was Camila.

He lowered his gaze to her sleeping face, the ethereal cast from the window making her skin look like porcelain. Reaching up, he lightly trailed his fingers over her cheeks and across her lips. They fell open slightly as he passed, the heat of her breath warming his hand. He pulled away, not wanting to wake her when the look on her face seemed so peaceful. Still, he couldn't help but stare. Not just because she was beautiful, but because he could, and he didn't know how much longer that statement would be true.

Soft strands of chocolate brown framed her small face. A tiny little mole occupied itself just near hear hairline and he wanted to lean down and kiss it. Her breath rose and fell, slowly, rhythmically, as her eyes moved under her lids. Dreaming. She was always dreaming. The last thing he wanted to do was to crash those dreams, bringing with him the nightmare he'd endured. But he would.

The moment of inevitability fell around him, weighing in on Shawn until he could hardly breathe. He knew it was coming, from the beginning, it had been a guarantee. But now that it was here, he wasn't ready. Not for any of it, but especially not to lose her.

Shawn wished he could stay there, in that moment, for the rest of forever. Just lying there, looking into her face and feeling her secure in his arms. But, he knew it couldn't be. Finally, he had to make himself remember it. It had taken his talk with David to make him realize, to make him see how dangerous a situation he was in. On one hand, he had this girl, this beautiful, kind, amazing girl, who he would give anything for. Do anything to keep safe. And on the other, he had his job—something he would give up in a heartbeat for her. But that was where the lines blurred. This time, his job was her. Her family, her safety, her life. As much as he wanted it, wanted her, he could not have it.

David made him realize that no matter how he felt about Camila, his priority had to be the case. It had to be that way because it was the only way he could protect her.