Dirty Little Secret

(Just a small note-her name is pronounced L-ann-E)

Prologue:

I look out the window and see that the rain has stopped, but my tears haven’t. I shouldn’t be crying over him. Its stupid and I shouldn’t. Just thinking back made me want to cry even more. I had to keep telling myself to stop crying over him, it wasn't worth the tears but it didn't help. The tears just flowed from me like a waterfall. Looking over at the clock I realized how long at had been sitting here, wasting my day.

I get up off my bed and wipe the tears off my face. I pull on my converse and raincoat. I head down the stairs and yell to my parents that I’m going out and will be back soon.

Everything around me seems like a blur as I slowly make my way towards his house. His house. Somewhere I hadn't been in weeks, I missed going there after school. Memories flooded, all fighting to be seen over the rest. I had taken this route to his house so many times in my life but this time it seemed like it was going to be the final time.

I hate fighting with him. I cant remember a time when we ever fought like this. Sure we had some fights here and there but best friends fight sometimes. But this is worse than any other. We haven’t said one word to each other in three weeks.

Just the thought of not talking to him for that long made tears spring to my eyes. I hated feeling like this, I hated the feeling of being helpless to my own emotions. I needed to talk to him, I needed to understand what was going to happen now. Were we going to be best friends ever again or was I going to lose him? My thought ends when I see him coming out of his house, keys in his hand, with Erica. Coming down the stairs he sees me.

He looked startled but he quickly placed a neutral look on his face. He opened his mouth but quickly closed it then turned to Erica. "I'll just be a second."

Erica looked over at me then back up at him, a smile appeared on her face. "Okay, I'll wait in the car for you."

He came towards me and touched my arm. “Are you alright?”

'Are you alright?' I had heard that question so many times these past three weeks, by family members and my only close friend. They were worried about me but I forced a smile and nodded. Why should I burden them with teenage problems?

“Lani, what are you doing here?” he asked me. He didn't bother asking whether I was alright again, did that mean he didn't care? I stared at his chest, refusing to look into his eyes, if I did, I would break down in tears - again. I opened my mouth but no words came out. Why was this so hard?

“You don’t look alright, have you been crying?” he says.

I finally manage to choke words out, he stared at me until I realized he didn't understand what I said. "I'm fine." I step back, not trusting myself to stand close to him without jumping into his arms.

“Lani, I know that you have. What happened?” he asked.

I don't say anything. I look away, which I can tell annoys him. He stares at me until I finally turn back to him. "It's nothing," I whisper. I could see Erica sitting in the car, looking smug.

“Lani, why did you come here?”

"I don't know," I whispered. I honestly didn't know. Why was I here? Did I expect him to talk to me after all this time?

“I should go. I don’t want to bother you.”

He stared at me. "Wait, Lani-"

"Don't worry," I held my hands up. "I'll catch up with you later." I turned and walked away, without a backwards glance.