𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓯𝓮𝓬𝓽 ღ 𝒥𝓊𝓃𝑔𝓀𝑜𝑜𝓀

Chapter 10: New ideas

Jungkook's P.O.V

When I had finished showering and had gone to bed, I had felt a bit tired, but now that it has gotten 2AM I've given up the fact I needed sleep. Throwing off the duvet, I made my way out of my room, taking my phone with me and going to the bathroom. Whilst locking the door, I turned on the lights and seated myself on the closed toilet.

I needed to make plans for tomorrow, well actually today, so I unlocked my phone and opened a new note. Thinking for a bit, the best thing I could do tomorrow was at least skipping breakfast; that was the easiest one. Also it's a busy day, so skipping lunch is a possibility, hopefully, maybe dinner. I wrote down that I should drink a lot of water and have no snacks. After that I just sat there for a while.

An enormous wave of sleep eventually, finally, took over me and I decided it was time to get back to my bed again, or else, I would have the same headache as yesterday. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

Two weeks later

Two weeks have passed. Days of skipping breakfast, small lunches and eating little at dinner while putting all kinds of foods into my pockets, passed by quickly. I, also, started exercising in secret, a lot actually. But with all of this, I rather lost only a small bit of weight, better said, only 1,5 kilos. I felt anger, angry at myself, angry at my body. And the fact that none of the members noticed some change made me even more mad.

All the work, all my work, hasn't paid off in a single way..

I already feel so tired, how am I supposed to carry on with all of it?

What am I supposed to do?

I slowly woke up from my uncomfortable sleep because of Hoseok's alarm ringing in my ears. I groaned while opening my eyes, it was pretty light outside already. I sat up in my bed, my body felt exhausted from all the training and exercise with only little food. All I wanted was to just lay down again.

Suddenly Jimin's face pushed its way into my sight. I had a mini heart attack, but my surprised face was quickly suppressed by a kind of grim face. I wasn't in the mood of having fun. "What's with the face, do I look ugly?" Jimin said, pouting. All he wanted was to make his friend laugh. "You kind of are." Hoseok laughed. With that comment I couldn't hide a small laugh. "Omo you made him smile." Jimin pointed out. "Is it that fascinating?" I said sarcastic, a bit annoyed.

"You haven't laughed a lot these few weeks."

"Oh."

The conversation died not long after that and we got ready for today.

For some sort of reason I was quite fast with getting ready today, and when I came downstairs there was breakfast laying right in front of my face. The sight right here and there made me feel incredibly anxious. I didn't have my reason as usual as being late today. I didn't have an excuse to get out of this situation. And as Jin started approaching me I knew it was too late to just run.

"Sit down I made your favorite, eggs and toast." Eggs? Toast? I'd rather call it calories than my favorite food. Even though I didn't want to eat it at all I sat down slowly. "Thank you hyung, I'll eat well." I said with a fake smile. Satisfied with what I said Jin smiled and went back to the kitchen, probably to clean it.

I looked at my plate first thing, two backed eggs and two toasts were placed neatly next to each other. Grabbing my knife and fork I took a small bite. I regretted it right away. It made me feel nauseous because I wasn't used to eating at this time. I gulped it down while my body was resisting. My mind was telling me to spit it out and my body wanted it out. I shivered at the feeling. I took another bite because if I left it at this Jin would feel bad because I didn't eat his – with love prepared – food.

I struggled to keep it down at the third bite so I downed the orange juice right after it so it would go in with ease. In the end I ate all of it feeling like the fattest person in the world at the moment. I took my plate to Jin and told him "it was delicious" and then excused myself to the downstairs bathroom which only had a toilet.

Once inside of the bathroom I felt tears going down my cheeks. I hated myself at this moment. How could I eat it all? I should've just told Jin a lie and not eaten. Then a very wrong idea made his way to me; I read a lot of people who want and really lose a lot of weight purge it out.

I quickly searched it up again and found an entire page focused on the one thing in my mind. I read through the advice and tips about how it worked. Was I really going this far?

It'll be good for you. The voice told me.

Was it really the only solution? A lot of people do it, in the comments of the page people say it has helped them lose a lot of weight, it made them feel better about themselves. I could give it a try..

(A/N: this could be very triggering for some of you who've suffered or are still suffering from an ED)

I took the tip about leaving the faucet running very serious, so nobody could hear me. I felt very nervous while I kneeled in front of the toilet. I slowly opened my mouth enough, so my hand would be able to get in. I looked into the water in front of me while my hand made its way to my mouth. All I had to do was irritate the uvula, so the progress would be stimulated.

I put my hand hesitantly to the back, the fact I already felt nauseous made it easier because it didn't take long before I started heaving. And then it came, the food I had just ate came rushing out of my body, coughing while at it. It tasted the same as before. It wasn't a lot that had to get out and I started heaving dryly and it was pretty painful.

After a while the heaving stopped, and I felt even more exhausted than before. I took some toilet paper to clean myself and flushed the toilet. I then stood up and placed my hands under the, still running, faucet and splashed my face.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I kind of felt proud I did it. Was I crazy for feeling proud? Well at least I won't gain from breakfast. I stood in front of the mirror for some time when I heard knocking on the door. "Are you done already, I need to pee, and RM is in the bathroom upstairs!" I heard V.

I flushed the toilet again, so it looked like I was done for real and opened the door, V pushed through the door and stumbled inside quickly. I chuckled at his action and made my way to my room for a bit to get some chewing gum because the gross taste in my mouth bothered me a lot. Once arrived, I found the package and felt so much better at the taste of peppermint and was all ready for dance practice today even though I felt exhausted.

Dance practice started, and my exhausted body was pushed into 'hard working mode' again. I knew I was going to feel pretty sore later on. The dance for 'I Need U' had all been carved into our heads and with only 4 weeks till our comeback we made a lot of progress. More than we did before. Today we didn't have time to have lunch the manager had said beforehand, that was a very nice thing to hear for me.

Jin's P.O.V

Hearing about the fact we didn't have time for lunch felt quite disappointing, because dancing without food in your stomach is one hell of a thing to do; Tiring.

About an hour into dancing, I looked around for a bit. My gaze fell onto Jungkook, he looked the most exhausted out of all of us. He must've had a hard time coping with the time before our comeback change, because even I felt very tired even though I have a very good stamina with lack of sleep and overworking. But although this is tiring, the maknae never has looked this tired when preparing for a comeback.