Shattered (The Academy)

Chapter 46: Goodbye, love.

Sang's point of view.

The train compartment lights flicker above my head and I watch them for a little while until they go back to normal. Weird thing. Looking back through the window, I see the snowed-upon road as we move fordward.

"I don't remember snowing"

Her eyes are set on the snow, but then she looks at me, her green eyes soft and kind. 

"Amanda"

"I was never out when it snowed back there in Illonis, which was most of the time. I never saw a lot of the outside world. That's fine anyway. There wasn't a lot I wanted to see"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you. I wanted to make sure you felt... loved. It's the reason why I exist, anyway. I wanted to dedicate myself to you. I'm so sorry Elizabeth and Mina were stronger than me. Even Jojo was. I'm sorry, Sang"

"Elizabeth..." Her name brings memories, like a flash. Places, faces, reasons "Where are we going?"

"I don't know. Where are you going?"

"What do you mean?"

"This is where I leave, Sang" 

"What? Why?"

"You don't need me anymore. I failed you before, and now you don't need me"

"But Amanda...!"

She smiles and reaches out for my hand "It's okay, Sang. I had to go, eventually. And this is the moment. You've found love without me. You got it right"

"Right? But Amanda, Owen and I... I'm leaving. We did wrong. Love failed us"

She tightens her grip on my hand "There is no perfect love, honey. Love will fail you a lot of times. You will make mistakes and misjudge, and sometimes things are gonna get ugly before they start to get better, but that's just love. You have to fight for it, fight for what you believe, for what you feel. It's up to you now. You have the key"

"I... I can't. I can't stay with him, not after all of this"

"You don't have to"

"I don't understand"

"Give your heart a break, if you need. Sang, distance doesn't mean you don't love someone anymore. Sometimes we have to take a break. Sometimes we have to rest. And if that's what you need"

"Amanda, I've screwed up. I can't do this without you. I can't do it right again"

"But you can! You know how to. You know the fight. So when the moment comes, when you're ready, fight. Do it right again when it's time"

"When it's that?" 

"That I can't tell you" The train starts to slow down, and she looks up to the ceiling as if she had just gotten a sign, then smiles at me tenderly "Everything is going to be okay, Sang. Everything there is to make it right, you already have. Trust yourself the way I trust you"

She leans on and kisses my cheeck. It feels like a whisper on my skin, like a slight wind. There is something wrong with her touch.

"This is my stop" She stands up and opens the door of the cabin "Goodbye, love"

Then walks away.

"No!"

But when I reach for the hallway, she's gone. Looking out at the window, I see her walking on the snow. She doesn't look back at me.

"But I don't want to lose you" I whisper.

Above me, the lighst flicker.