FIXING YOU

T W E L V E

• Noah's POV •

"Oh my," my mother whispered and gently, cupped the side of my face. "I can't believe you're here." Her hand slowly dropped down to my hair. "You're so, beautiful." She stroked a strand of my hair, gazing into my eyes with hers that are green like, a swamp.

The dark color of her eyes stood out against all her other features, her pale skin and sunken face and bald, head. Chemotherapy must be the reason she's lost all her hair but she's still beautiful. "I love you, ma."

Gosh, it's been much too long since I've said that aloud. My emotions began to boil over like a hot tea pot. "I love you." She said. "I love you more than anything Noah Jane, and no matter what I hope you'll never forget it."

One of my sobs escaped as she wiped away the tears I shed. Why must I be so weak? I wish to be strong like Nonna, who's had to watch her daughter suffer in this bed as a disease consumers her brain. She's been here everyday with her, tending to her every need and I wish I could have been here for them both.

"And baby doll, I'm so sorry." I squeezed my eyes shut, my heart feeling as if someone squeezed it in the palm of their hands. Her grip on my hand tightened then she continued quietly, "That after all these years this is how you see me again."

I shook my head, but couldn't find the words to say. My mother doesn't have to apologize for having cancer, it is not her fault. The world is so ugly and cruel, why has this happened to her?

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you during the years you needed me most. I'm sorry-" I hear her voice crack with emotion and I'm certain that it's the saddest noise especially, being heard from ones mother.

"I forgive you, it's alright." I lied, "it wasn't even that long ago." I lie again because I hate to see her hurt so much.

"Noah the last day I saw you, your hair was velvet and you wore a polka dotted dress." She remembers. This time it's me, who wipes away her tears. I begin to pull my hand back and she holds it in place against her face. "Today.. You walked through the door as a gorgeous, young lady and-" I see the emotion in her face, it's enough to make me sob and still the moments bittersweet. "I just, I can't-" she paused, searching for ways to put her scrambled thoughts into words. "I can't forgive myself for missing out on you."

The room is thick with emotion it's too much on my heart. I don't know if I've forgiven her, she missed everything, my junior prom and highschool graduation. There's so much more to list but- why waste the time when so much has already been wasted?

For the first time, I do something I haven't been able to do in years. I laid down and curled up beside my mother. Across the room a small TV is showing the news, and next to the bed sits the many beeping machines. Nonna says as long as they're beeping my mother is okay, so please machines, beep forever.

But if the day comes that those machines are quiet, I need her to know something. "I never thought- for even one day that you didn't love me." I rested my head on the pillow beside hers and held both her fragile hands.

• Two Days Later..

"Good morning, Noah Jane." I hear a deep, english voice interrupting my sweet dreams. The bed dips in beside and a heavy, hand brushes my hair from my face. "Happy birthday." My eyes fluttered open, squinting at the sunlight shining through the curtains and I see Eddy sitting beside me with a smile lighting up his usually, dull features.

As a reaction of my fathers affection, I smiled tiredly and and sat up. "Mornin' Eddy," I yawned.

Oh, snap! Today's my twenty first birthday! The realization woke me up, entirely. I straightened my back against the pillow and noticed a box, perfectly wrapped in sparkling wrapping paper and a red, silk bow is restin' on top. "For me?" I gushed, clutching my chest all dramatic like.