The Short Second Life of Mil Winchester - Book 2

From the Outside Looking In

A/N: Hey Millers! I'm back! My friend is pressuring me into doing this, so here's an update. Sorry it's so short. I'm sorry to be transparent, but I had an admittedly tough time writing this so I had to take a break - from Wattpad and writing. I'm back now, I hope, after a sudden surge of inspiration... The next chapter might be a while away, just a heads up - I'm in the middle of exams and I already know the next chapter's gonna be tough too. Anyway...

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FROM THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN

DEAN'S POV

I slammed the trunk of the Impala, packing up from our latest hunt, and crossed to the left hand side of the car without speaking. I went to get in, but hesitated as I figured now was a good a time as any to ask: "Hey, so, uh... are you okay?"

Sam froze, stiff shouldered, expression carefully mute. He spoke with a chuckle that if I didn't know better I'd call nervous. "Me? Yeah, I'm great."

"Really?" I questioned, not quite believing him. "Cause there's been a few times that you got me wondering."

"Come again?" Sam asked carefully.

"Well, like where were you when Cas was, uh, giving the Holy Taser treatment to that kid?" I asked, remembering how he'd had to physically restrain me so I didn't jump in to save the poor kid from the agony. In normal circumstances, the tables were generally flipped in that I would have to hold him back.

"I was right there," Sam said stiffly.

Oh really? You're bluffing, Sam. "Really?" I asked, trying hard not to come across as mad. "Cause honestly, I felt like I was the only one raising a card."

Sam stammered his way through an explanation I only half believed. "Right. Uh, I mean, I was with you, but... I don't know. W-we needed the intel."

"Yeah, I know," I agreed. Not saying we didn't. "But we tortured that kid to get it." Sam sighed heavily. "I just didn't get the feeling that you - that you even cared."

"You're wrong," Sam said quickly.

I glanced away, then back, letting my voice soften. "Hey, man, I'm just trying to figure this out because... Something's different with you. You know that."

"Yeah. Yeah I know."

"Really?" I pressed.

"Yeah," Sam said. "I mean... I've been hunting non-stop for the past year, kind of... kind of on the wild, you know? So, yeah, I suppose I'm a little rough around the edges."

Oh yeah, that's right. You left me for an entire freaking year thinking you were dead; knowing that Mil was dead, and knowing there was nothing I could do to get them back. Sure, I was with Lisa, but it wasn't the same...

"Yeah, I know that," I murmured, finding my voice. "I just don't think I'm getting the whole scoop. You went to Hell, Sam. And believe me, I know what that does to a guy." As soon as I said the words, long buried memories were resurfaced, and I tried desperately to bury them again without showing weakness. I clenched my fists into tightly bound balls at my sides. It kinda worked...

"To you," Sam said suddenly.

I looked up sharply as I was dragged back out of the pit. "What?"

"You know what it does to you," Sam corrected. "It - it tortured you. You know? I think it still does. But, Dean... I'm okay."

What was he saying... that I was weak? That I couldn't cope with my memories and emotions? How dare he. I served for forty years. And how long was he there for, exactly? I wasn't sure, but not as long as me and most certainly not as long as Mil, who was still there because of me. How dare Sammy insinuate he was stronger than me.