My three days came and went in a time that felt like five minutes. It felt like just a few minutes ago I was on that horrid hospital bed talking about leaving and here I am, waiting to walk inside my home for the next eight months.
The building had a long drive leading up to the three story building. The gates out front were about four times my height and as thick as me. But that's not saying much honestly..I've lost a lot of weight.
I felt someone grab my hand as be we walked inside. It was Alex. I smiled weakly at him and he smiled back.
"Hello! I'm Aleshia."
"Hi." I mumbled.
"I need your name please sweetheart."
"Lena May Gaskarth."
"We have a Walker..."
"Yeah...but I have my adoptive father's last name now."
"I can change it sweetie. Don't worry."
She began typing and we walked over to the sitting area. Jack took the seat to the right of me and Zack was to my left. Rian and Cassadee were sitting on a couch across from us and Kristin took a seat in the chair.
Alex crouched in front of me.
"Listen to me. Please let these people make you better. I need you to be better." I nodded slowly at him. He grabbed my hands and looked up at me.
"L, you are my everything. You are my daughter and I beat myself up every night. I blame all of this on me...because...how am I good father when you almost died?"
"Don't blame yourself, Lex. I'm going to get better. I'll do it for you. I want to get back home."
"Do it for Baltimore."
"Thanks for quoting your own song Alex. We needed that." Rian said.
"Lena Gaskarth."
I looked over and it all became real. I wasn't going to see these guys for a long, long time.
She told me to say goodbye and so I did.I ran straight into Rian's arms. I started tearing up and he leaned down and said everything would be okay and kissed my forehead. I hugged Cassadee and kissed her baby bump after making sure no one was watching. I then gave Kristin a hug and she smiled that bright smile and told me that she'd miss me. Next was Zack. He told me that he was going to get pictures every time they came and I grimaced hating the idea of seeing a picture of me in clothes I don't want to wear. Then Jack...oh Jack..I'm going to miss him so much. He's helped me so much these past few days. Always trying to keep me smiling. He wrapped his arms around me and I was instantly bawling my eyes out and he was right there with me.
"It's going to be okay,Lena. We'll see you soon sweetheart." He mumbled into my ear.
"I love you Jacky."
"I love you too, Len."
And then I moved on to Alex. I knew this eould be the hardest. And I really wish it wasn't goodbye.
"I love you,L. Remember what I said. Let them help you."
"I love you too."
And then I followed the woman through the door and to my new home for eight months.
...
"Hello Ms. Lena, dear. It's so nice to see you again." Elaine said.
"Hi." I mumbled. I've been here for two days and am starting therapy today. Great.
"Some ground rules. Number 1.You can tell me anything, dear. Good. Bad. You can cuss me out if you feel the need. I'm here to help you and make you feel better. Number 2.You HAVE to be at everyone of the scheduled sessions. Number 3. I need you to be honest with me. Number 4. You can't leave unless the time is up, which is scheduled an hour and half, or I allow you to leave. The rules aren't hard. You just have to stick by them."
"Okay."
"Your family's first visit will be next month."
"But...you..."
"Everyone gets a the first month visit free."
"You lied! I need them!"
"I'm sorry Lena. I truly am."
"I can't do this."
"You have to."
"It's not fair."
"Tell me about them. Your family."
I thought for a minute. Do I do it? She's supposed to help me. All of this...it's supposed to help me.
I looked at the blonde lady that sat across from me.
"I love them. They are my everything. I need them more than anyone will ever understand."
"Tell me about them individually."
"Alex is the one I consider my dad. He's the one that actually adopted me. He is so kind to me. He makes me so happy.
"Zack is like a brother. He is the one that made photography one of my passions.
"Rian is also a brother. He just..he always knows when something is wrong. He always knows what to say.
"And Jack....Jack....is not only a brother...but a best friend...he's my shoulder to cry on. My every laughing moment. My fake date when guys start hitting on me. My decision maker. He makes me smile when I'm sad. He can see through me like glass. He holds all of my secrets and...I really miss him... He was always like my therapist until they forced me back into my parents hands...and then everything fell apart. I...If I would have talked to Jack...I wouldn't have taken those stupid pills. I wouldn't be here in this stupid hospital."
She stared at me for a moment,in shock.
I shouldn't have let her in that easily. I should have held back. I'm not supposed to just crack open like that. I'm so stupid.
"Elaine."
"I'm sorry...I wasn't....expecting you to say all that..."
"Can I go?" She nodded slightly and told me to be back at four that afternoon.
Stupid two a day therapy sessions...
I ran to my room and closed the door. I wish these doors had locks...but...they don't because "we are like a time bomb" and anything could "set us in motion." So stupid. That's exactly what they told me. So rude!
I climbed into my bed and buried my face into the hard pillow.
I grabbed the pictures that were sitting on the side table. The first was of all of the guys and me. It was the first show of tour and I was squished between Jack and Alex. And Rian and Zack were on either side of the two.
The second was of me Jack and Alex. It was when Alex was laying on the couch with Jack and I stacked on top of him.
Then the third was of me on Zack's back. We had been walking around Baltimore when we got back from the tour and my legs got tired sooo...
The next was Rian trying to teach me how to play drums...which was a mess...
The fifth was of me and Alex. It was on his birthday and we kinda got into a cake fight...
The last one was me and Jack. We were in New York. We all were out walking in the city. I was holding Jack's hand so I didn't get lost. We were walking through Times Square and Jack just randomly twirled and dipped me down. Zack had gotten a picture of it. It was my favorite picture. The smile on my face was so big and real.
I miss him.
