Bright Blue

Chapter 7

I think back to when you and I were best friends. We used to do everything together. With you being a year older than me, you could have done everything first but you didn't. You said you would wait for me and we would do everything together. You even waited for me to come home for the day that you got your letter back saying you got a place in the academy and was just one step closer to becoming a police officer. You kept me up all night telling me how happy you were about getting to help the many troubled people in our society. We laughed all night. God, how did I not see past all the fake smiles and lies that poured out your mouth?

If only I had seen then then I would have stopped myself from helping you. I would have been at the dinner with the family sitting beside Kevin as he whispered the crappiest jokes into my ear. I should have been there with my family and the man I will always love. I shouldn't have helped you. I should have ignored you and acted as though I hadn't seen you. But that's the thing that I always think about. If I had ignored you that day, would you have taken me another day? Would you have done the exact same thing even if it was five years down the line? Was it my fate to be punished by you? I don't what I had done wrong to deserve such cruelty. I don't know why God would do anything so cruel to his children.

You made me feel worthless. You were my brother. You betrayed me and you- you alone- are responsible for making me feel like this. No one told you to do this. No one told you to lock me in a room for three weeks, selling me to any man who came knocking at your door. You are evil. An evil cruel man who deserves nothing but to be tortured like I was.

You took my family away from me. You took me away from them. There was no one to nag mum about taking her medicine on time. There was no one to replace dad's greasy breakfast with oatmeal. Mum relied on me to get her repeat prescriptions every month but you took me away. I had people relying on me and you stopped me from doing what I had to do. I was meant to be out with my friends. I was meant to be making plans on group chats that we didn't even do. I was meant to be enjoying myself, getting ready to go on holiday to wherever Kevin had planned. I was meant to me saying bye to my friends as I wouldn't be seeing them in a while. But you took that all away from me.

You were meant to be training to become a police officer. You were meant to be walking down the streets with your badge and hat, overlooking the people and looking for any criminal. All you had to do was look in the mirror. You were meant to be the family man, the brother who protected his sisters. You were meant to protect me but all you did was harm me. You make me feel disgusted with myself. You made me hate myself. You're the one to blame Leon. You did all this.