Bright Blue

Chapter 11

Kevin cried as I walked down the aisle. He bent over slightly, clutching onto his knees. We were lucky that it was a sunny day because we decided to have it outside the hotel on the garden floor. It was absolutely amazing. We had a great view of the beach and it was everything I could have dreamed of and more. Dad walked me down the aisle. Me and Kevin joined at the end of the aisle and he fumbled over a piece of paper that he didn't even use. He basically went over how he first knew he loved me and I knew most people might have been bored but I loved that he did that and the sincere look in his eyes showed me that he really meant what he said.

We both went through the reception smiling together. His hand rarely ever left mine. At the end of the day, we said goodbye to everyone knowing that we won't see them anymore until we came back from the honeymoon. Kevin had arranged a surprise like he originally did for the summer but because we didn't go then, he decided to do it again. He had asked me for a list of countries I had wanted to go to so he knew what to pick from and that's all I knew. As soon as we got out the lift, he lifted me up in his arms and took me into the room.

He made love to me that night. It was nice and gentle and everything I could have wanted and more. He didn't hurt me once like you did. He always asked me if I wanted this or if I was okay with whatever we were doing and that was something you never did.

As you're reading this, Kevin would have already gotten up and held me till I woke up. He would have told me loved me and maybe even made love to me. He would have given me a gift and bit his lip as he waited for me to open it. It was our tenth year anniversary after all. He was there throughout the years. He didn't lie when he said he would be there after every day I got back from uni. He didn't lie when he said he would hold me and tell me he loves me after I had screamed at him because I was so worked up. He just kissed me and cuddled with me until I fell asleep or made love to me to take my mind off things. He sat front row at my graduation as he watched me walk up on that stage with my little baby bump. It wasn't visible to anyone but myself and Kevin knew.

It took me ten years to work up the courage to write to you, to tell you how you made me feel but how I overcame you. It took me ten years to win the battle I had fighting inside of me. I want to be me now. I want to be the mother of three beautiful children who I will love forever and forever. I will make sure to teach my kids how to be good. I will teach my two sons how to respect women and what never to do to them. Ten years. It took me ten years to be me again. To be able to go back to work without the fear of someone touching me or judging me. I didn't expect things to take this long. I had expected I would be myself in a couple of months as I was for the wedding. Don't get me wrong, I felt comfortable in my own skin for the majority of the ten years but I can finally say I have no odd days. I want to be me all the time.

Sometimes I think that maybe if I put up a fight when you locked me in the house then I could have gotten away. I think that maybe if I wasn't such a coward at that time I could have avoided all this. I always blamed the girls for not being stronger and for freezing up but I never realised how frightening it was having someone do that to you. I then told myself that if that ever happened to me then I will pretend to like it because maybe the person would stop but I couldn't even do that. I was too scared to do something like that. And lets face it, Leon, that would have fed into your twisted fantasy and you would have enjoyed it more.

I just want to end this with saying thank you. Thank you for making the mistake in bringing in that T.V and letting me hear my mum's voice as she sobbed, begging you to let me go. Thank you for allowing me to hear Kevin as he gave me the hope that I could escape because he told me it was up to me. Thank you for getting drunk that night and making mistakes which allowed me to break out the imprisonment of the bright blue room.

I'm no longer a victim, I'm a survivor.

THE END