Bright Blue

Chapter 10

I always thought that girls exaggerated it when they said how they didn't want to be in their body after they had been raped- that they wanted to rip their skin off because of the way they remembered the person's hands on them. I thought they exaggerated. I rolled my eyes at their comments but now I wish I never did. I wish I never did that because that maybe the reason why it happened to me. I didn't believe them so now God punished me by making me feel how they felt. They were right, I didn't want to be in my body anymore. I wanted to rip my skin off just to get your touch off me.

I loved my body. I loved the way Kevin called me his tiger because of my stretch marks and even went to the extent of getting a small tiger tattoo. I loved the way the way my stomach would roll up every time I sat up. I used to sit in bed beside Kevin every morning and pretend my stomach had a mouth and was talking to him. I used to do that to my little brother when he was feeling upset because I knew he loved these stupid things. He was the one that taught me how to do it when I had come home crying saying how fat I was. At first I called him crazy but the frown on my face vanished after a few seconds.

I hope and pray he doesn't turn out like you. I will give my life just to make sure he doesn't turn out like you. I will send him away to a boarding school and pay a ridiculous amount of money, lock him in a shed or even go as far as sending him off to space. I don't want my innocent little brother turning out to be as filthy as you.

You had the audacity to stand up and say that I enjoyed it. I enjoyed being raped by you as my body shook whilst I sobbed under you? I enjoyed it while you forcefully entered me, ripping me in the process? Then you said that I was asking for it. You actually swore by the bible that we all used to read together and you told them all that I had provoked you with the way I dressed and acted towards you. I cried as I sat there listening to you. I cried as you lied to the jury, blaming me for the horrid things you did. Dad had almost got out his seat to punch you when you said that I made the first move- that I had made a plan to go back to yours so I could seduce you. I listened to mum cry as she listened to you. It was heart breaking listening to the way she gasped for air every few seconds.

Mum didn't hate me. I got it all wrong. She just couldn't believe that her own son had done this to her daughter. The boy she raised to be a man had turned against his family, his practises, and his morals and committed such a horrid act. She blamed herself for what you did. But I told her not to because no one made you do it. You enjoyed seeing me suffer.

But there you were blaming it on me. You said that once we got into things I had asked you to tie me to the bed. You told them I had asked for the men to come and rape me because it was a fantasy of mine. I wanted to leave then. I wanted to walk out and run away from all this. Run away from the stares of the jury as they determined whether you were guilty or not, run away from your lies you were feeding everyone.

But your lies went in vain. The jury saw past it, everyone did. I was so stupid to even fear that you would walk free. I lost hope in me for a few days but my family and friends brought that back. They stood by me and they believed in me and knew that I could take you down. If it was up to me I would have had you locked in jail for the rest of your life and let you suffer but the sentencing could only be so much. I sighed in relief when they told me you were guilty. I had just turned around to Kevin but his lips were quickly on mine.

"You did it, Jas," he mumbled against my lips before kissing me again. He then suddenly picked me up and twirled me around. I let out a laugh as I felt the room spin around me. I felt as though I was flying in those mere seconds. I felt all the worries fly off my shoulder and I was floating on a cloud through the sky. "You did it!"

"I couldn't have done it without you. I love you."

"I love you too, babe. But this was all you. We supported you but you had the strength to carry on and you did it. You put him behind bars and he will never hurt anyone else again."

I was so shocked during the court case. Every few days I would hear another woman confessing what you had done to them. I was so shocked when I realised this had gone back to the age when you were just twelve. A nine year old girl! A nine year old girl was raped by a sick twisted man. She kept it a secret all these years because even she didn't know what happened to her. It was only a few years ago when she understood what you did to her. She told me she cried that day, in front of her whole class. She broke down into tears when she realised what you did to her when you took her behind that tree in the park. You were just twelve and you did that? Six girls in total. Six girls came out and told the truth. Six girls that I am proud of because they were strong enough to get up and tell everyone what happened. They were brave enough to hide it from their family and deal with it by themselves all these years. I don't know where they found the strength from because me being an eighteen year old woman, I cried like a baby even though I had the support of everyone. I really admire the strength and will power these women had because they had no one to tell them to keep going and keep strong.

But now you won't be able to hurt anyone else. You won't be able to lure people into a trap and take advantage of and I am so glad.