Bright Blue

Chapter 9

They let me out the next day. Mum didn't come back to visit me but dad had come instead, bringing my book and some clothes of my own. I didn't get off Kevin's lap once. He held me in his arms as he hummed into my ear, as he read the book out loud to me, as he fed me lunch and dinner. The only time he let me go was when he needed to go to the toilet. I eagerly stood outside as I waited for him because I feared that he would leave me but he never did.

He was the only one that made me feel safe. You did until you did what you did. I couldn't even stand to see my parents faces because whenever I looked at them, all I saw was you. My sister came on the morning I was discharged and I thought- hoped- that maybe I could bare to look the woman who took care of me in the eyes but I couldn't. I couldn't look at the woman who I shared all my deepest darkest secrets to and it's all because of you.

I didn't even want to wear any of my clothes. I didn't want to touch them because you had bought most of them for me. You touched all my clothes as you helped me organise my cupboard just two months ago. I didn't want to wear anything that had your hands on it. So instead, just before they discharged me, Kevin took me by my hand and we silently walked to the sports store just opposite the hospital. I felt everyone staring at me but I didn't care at that point.

When we got to the shop, he took a step back from me and allowed me to pick what I wanted. I felt a small smile as my hands traced over the soft material. At that moment I felt as though I was back in my usual routine. It felt normal to be here, to be shopping with Kevin. I looked back at him to notice him smiling at me.

"Can I buy more than one?" I asked him quietly. He rolled his eyes and I let out a giggle. I walked over to him noticing the spring in my steps. He softly brought a hand up to my cheek and pushed the hair away from my face with the other. "Can you kiss me?" I saw the hesitation in his eyes but before I could tell him to leave it, he brought his lips down to mine, gently kissing me. I closed my eyes as I put my hands behind his head. I missed him. I missed laughing with him all day. I missed going to lunch with him on his break as he complained about the smallest things.

It was at that moment that I realised slowly- but surely- everything was going back to the way it was with me and him. I knew my family would take longer but this small step was all I needed to have a smile on my face for the rest of the time that we spent in that shop. Not only did that kiss help me realise that you hadn't ruined any of the intimate moments that we shared but it helped him realise that I wanted his hands on me. I wanted him to hold me and kiss me because he is the man I love.

I couldn't bring myself to go back home. This was the house that we all shared. Both of us used to run around naked in the house with mum and dad screaming at us, chasing us with our clothes. We used to eat breakfast together on the table. We used to fall asleep on the sofa whenever we watched a movie and later find ourselves tucked in bed. You know what the worst thing was? My bedroom was bright blue and so was yours. The room that I was locked in, tied down to the bed with my legs wide open was bright blue. I couldn't stand to go inside my room. I just sobbed into Kevin's chest as he held me, stroking my head.

I told Kevin I couldn't stay in my own house and he straightaway offered me his house. When I had insisted that I was a burden to him, he kissed me and told me he loved me and that I was crazy to ever say I was burden. When I still made that comment, he walked into my room and got what I had asked for before coming out again. He then cupped my face and leaned his forehead against mine, telling me that he was going to take care of me and nothing would ever stop that. After that, I had said goodbye to my dad and sister. My mum had locked herself in the room, refusing to see me. I still didn't know if she was disappointed me or not but I couldn't stick around and find out because the house was making me feel sick.