Bright Blue

Chapter 8

I had woken up on the ambulance as we raced through the traffic. You didn't win this round. I had made it alive back to my family. I was able to tell everyone what happened and what you did to me. I would be able to tell them how you used our blood bond and my trust that I had given to you so willingly and used that all to an advantage- how you used all of that to lure me into your god awful trap.

Mum kept on saying how everything would be alright and how I was safe now. I knew that. I knew that I was safe and sound in the arms of my mother. But the repetition of it all made me crazy. She kept on saying it again and again and again. And I get that she was relieved that I was home once again but she was giving me a headache. I never got angry at mum like this before. This was you. You made me angry because I want nothing more than to see you die in front of me. I want you to be the one that feels like this. Feeling as though you have nothing to live for. Feeling as though your world has come to an end and that you're all alone in this big massive world. Feeling as though you don't even exist in this world and everything around you is all a dream. I want you to feel ashamed in public, feeling as though everyone is looking at you and judging you.

The first thing I did was tell them it was you. The pain in mum's eyes made me feel so guilty that I had to tell her that her son was a rapist. I cried as I told her what you did to me and what you let others do to me. I had to do it straightway because I feared you would somehow find a way to escape. The man I gave the statement to said he knew you. He said he had been to your house just last week to pick something up. He told me how sorry he was and how he never knew something like that was happening just behind that door. It wasn't his fault. I admit, I was angry. I was angry that he didn't see anything suspicious and free me sooner. But then again, even superman makes mistakes.

I remember when we both used to search for superman every day, just looking out the window. We thought that maybe he would fly across the sky and we would get lucky and see him one day. You always used to stand behind me. You always used to have a hand on my back. I didn't see it then. We were just little kids, I wasn't meant to be worried that my brother would grow up to be a rapist. But now that I look back at everything, there was always something wrong with you. I was so stupid. I was blinded by the relation we shared and you ruined it all.

I watched mum cry as she left the room. I didn't know if she was ashamed of me or not after I had just told her what you did. I didn't know if she found me dirty now. I was her princess. Her innocent princess who made everyone smile and laugh. I can't even smile myself.

I had to let them touch me. They marked me around my body, taking photographs of the cuts and bruises you gave to me. They looked through my hair, closely examining each strand. They took swabs of the dried semen around my body that you let strangers put on me for cash. They clipped my fingernails and toenails that had grown too long for my liking. I always liked to keep them short. They poked me in various areas and just continued taking photographs. They practically swabbed my whole body, putting the evidence in little tubes or bags. They even had to look inside me. I had to get more things going inside me to get evidence of what you did to me.

I just lay back on the bed looking up at the ceiling. I wasn't really paying attention to them as they examined me. If I was sitting up, I would just stare at the wall right in front of me. My body was numb again. But I didn't feel bad this time. It didn't feel wrong because I knew this was all o get you locked behind bars so you can't ever hurt anyone else ever again. I was happy that I was winning because I was the free one. You would surrounded my four walls every day, stuck in a routine for so many years while I would be free. I could leave the house whenever I wanted. I could breathe in the fresh air and close my eyes and drift away into another world.

I felt like it went on for hours and hours. Every single second felt like minutes as they did what they had to. When they were finally over, they let me go into the bathroom, giving me a hospital gown and flip flops. Bright yellow ones. As soon as I was in the under the running water, I began to scrub my skin so hard that some of it bled. I felt disgusted to be in my skin- to be me. I had to keep scrubbing to get you off me. I had to get your touch off me, the touch of your hands and lips over my body. I was in there for an hour when they began banging on the door. I ignored them as I sat on the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest. My skin was raw and red but your touch still remained.

Outside the door I heard Kevin tell me he was going to come in because I wasn't responding. I smiled at his voice as it brought back the morning you took me away from him. He sent me to the bathroom but warned me that if I took too long he would kick it down because I always took too long in there.

He didn't kick it down this time because a nurse opened the door with her keys. I couldn't bring myself to look at him knowing that I had let him down. I had let another man take what was rightfully his. Kevin didn't say anything at first, just stood there looking at me. Then I heard his footsteps slowly approach me. I knew he was scared about touching me.

"Hey baby," he whispered so quietly that I barely heard it myself. He whispered gently unlike you. Your whispers came out as hisses. "What have you done to your skin?"

"I can't get him off me." I slowly turned to look at him and saw the massive bags under his eyes. His skin was pale and dry, as though he hadn't washed it in days. He carefully put a hand on my cheek but I didn't flinch. I didn't even have to stop myself because he was the only one that could touch me like this. Even after what you did to me, I still loved the way his hands felt on my skin.

Kevin ended up taking off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves. I noticed his buttons were not matched and let a small smile settle of my face for a few seconds. We exchanged no more words as a nurse stepped in to make sure everything was okay. Kevin hummed a song as he gently washed my body, lathering up the soap on my body and then gently washing it away. I closed my eyes as he shampooed my hair, massaging my head as he ran his fingers through. He then lifted me up and sat me down on the counter as he patted me dry, being careful not to irritate my red skin. He then put cream over me and ointment on my cuts and bruises so they would heal. His humming never stopped which was something I found really soothing. He had to be careful as he slipped my underwear on because I had to get a few stitches. I felt joy when he slipped the gown over me. I was finally covered and not spread on a bed naked for your eyes to see.

I hadn't noticed him lifting me off the counter until I was met with the bright lights of the hospital ward that I had to stay in. He gently placed me on the bed but I leapt off straight away. I had a fear that if I fell asleep on the bed then I would wake up tied up again. Nonetheless, without saying a word, he sat down on the chair sitting me on his lap and putting his jacket around me. He carried on humming as his hands ran through my damp hair. I wanted to tell him to stop because his hands would make my hair greasy but I was content in being in his arms. I felt safe and worthy. Just for a few seconds I felt like my old self. I felt comfortable in my own skin, in my own body.

But that feeling only lasted for a few seconds.